Page 69 of Gamble with Me
"None of this was your fault," Zefarin whispered, moving his hand slowly up and down my back while I clung to him for dear life.
He was right. I learned it over the years of therapy, and then when I met Chester, I wanted to never think about it again. But it never fully disappeared. That wound never healed. It was part of me, gnawing at me when I felt the worst and reminding me that maybe I didn't deserve what I had. Perhaps I should've died that night when I lost the baby, and everything would have been solved.
"You know what is funny?" I said, pulling away from Zerafin's soothing embrace. "My first boyfriend was a drug addict who got me into jail and therapy. I married a notorious liar who values cards and slot machines more than his family. And I'm cheating on that man with a murderer who refuses to show me his face." I released a deep, exasperated groan, tilting my head back. "I am a perfect case for a psychiatrist."
"You're a perfect match for me," Zefarin claimed, curling his arm around my waist and pulling me closer. "Damaged but fixable." His fingers grazed my cheek. "You were smashed by life and survived. You're the strongest person I know."
"Every time I think about my past, I feel like a tragedy," I admitted, placing my hands on his chest. I couldn't look into his eyes. I felt so exposed and vulnerable.
"No, my heart," he whispered, taking my hand and kissing my palm through the mask. "You're a blessing. Never think less of yourself."
He pressed my hand against his cheek, leaning into it while I almost melted into a puddle.
"How are you doing it?" I whispered, grazing the rough fabric of his mask with my thumb. "Making me feel like I'm the center of your universe."
"Because you are the center of my universe, Valeria," he answered matter-of-factly, staring into my eyes with pure love that destroyed every barrier I tried to build around my heart.
"You murdered a man because of me," I mumbled, unsure how I felt about it.
"If that's not proof I'm capable of anything when it comes to you, I don't know what is," he declared.
I didn't comment on his statement. Instead, I wrapped my body around his and rested my head on his chest. The feeling of safety enveloped me like a thin blanket, allowing me to breathe freely again.
The talk with Zefarin helped, even when he didn't explain what happened with George. I didn't accept the fact he was a murderer. I didn't want to forget about it. Ignoring such a massive red flag and hoping for a happy ending was dangerous and naive.
I was well aware of the consequences if I didn't end things between me and Zefarin, and still, I couldn't make myself do it, mainly because my heart belonged to him. It beat for him, craved him, and thrived under his dominance and attention. I fell for him, slowly and steadily, until he wholly owned me.
But the rational part of me knew I was heading toward a massive heartbreak. This couldn't end well, yet I couldn't let it go. Not even the murder could cure me from the sick addiction with a masked criminal. Eventually, I didn't know who was obsessed with whom. Him with me? Or me with the fantasy he created?
-33-
Valeria
Ifell asleep again. The dead body, exercising, and the trip into my past took their toll on me, and my body needed to restore some energy.
The bed and Zefarin's arms were just too comfortable to refuse the temptation of enjoying them. My mind quickly drifted into a deep slumber, and I woke up only when a weird scratching sound reached my ears and disturbed my dream.
With my eyes still closed, I stretched my arms above my head and yawned. My head was pressed into a comfortable cushion, and I was covered with a blanket. But my attention was drawn to the quick, heavy breathing from my right side.
I peeked open my eyes, expecting to see the familiar skull mask, but instead, I was welcomed by the enormous black muzzle of the scariest dog I ever saw. Its dark brown eyes were set on me, watching me as if I were a meal. My breathing seized as I stared at the beast, musing if I had a chance to escape when I heard the steps.
"Bluff," Zefarin barked, and the dog whipped his head toward him. "I told you to guard her, not wake her up."
The dog lay on his stomach and rested his head on his front paws. He flashed me an innocent look, making me forget I almost peed myself a second ago.
"I'm sorry, Valeria, if he scared you," Zefarin said, pulling his oversized hoodie over his head, and my heart skipped a beat. Still, under it was only a black shirt with long sleevesthat completely covered his skin, yet his ripped muscles were visible, leaving nothing to the imagination.
I watched his muscled back as he opened a paper bag placed on the wooden stool, took out two boxes, and turned to me.
"We have noodles, Thai food, and burgers," he announced, sitting on the bed. "What's your pick, my lady?"
"All of it," I replied, yanking the box closest to me from his hand. He chuckled, passing me napkins and sticks while he unwrapped a mouthwatering burger with double meat, bacon, and cheese. The dog whined at the end of the bed, licking his mouth, and Zefarin threw him a generous piece.
"What do you do for a living, Zefarin?" I asked, starting a casual conversation. I focused on chewing my noodles, but I also needed to discover something more about him. I was at a considerable disadvantage. I barely knew his name while he had information about everything.
"Do you think I have time to stalk you and work regular hours?" he countered, throwing another piece of burger to his dog.
"Well." I looked around, seeing only one bulb, a lamp on the nightstand, and the enormous bed. But the sheets were made of expensive material, and the mahogany wood from which the bed was made wasn't cheap either. "That would explain why you live in a warehouse, but it wouldn't clarify your expensive taste and the dog that eats almost as much as an adult male."
