Page 37 of Damian & Jun, Episodes 13-16
Émeric gazed back steadily. “I would hope that you’re just selfish enough to not believe that.”
Jun almost spit bubbles in his hot chocolate. He set it down, took another look at Émeric. “You’re serious.”
“Selfishness is important, Jun. Something I doubt you heard much of at BBB3. I’m selfish enough to demand a beautiful place to live, a full fridge of food, Richard’s time, Collin’s submission, yours, even, on occasion.”
Jun picked up his mug again, avoiding Émeric’s eyes. “But you’ve earned that.”
“Some of it, perhaps. I’ve certainly earned the trust that comes with all of that. But so have you. It’s obvious—the way Yohei, Geun, Jaewoong, Su-jin, Mi Hi, and Gigi all listen to you, follow you.”
“I don’t feel like I’ve earned the right for people to risk their lives.”
“You haven’t earned the harm of being sold. That’s all you need, Jun, to deserve being protected. To exist.”
“There’s more to it than that.” Jun grimaced. “You wouldn’t do this if I was an asshole.”
“We wouldn’t know about you if you were an asshole, little crime. That doesn’t change the fact that I would still believe that the law and the systems of our society should protect you.”
“How do you get okay with being selfish without being bad?”
Émeric chuckled. “I supposed I didn’t call it being selfish until I had spent several years with Richard. He and I had very different ideas of what the basics of life were. I thought fresh bread in the morning and hot coffee were essentials. He thought having three meals a day, even if one of them was a snack bar, was more than enough.”
Jun’s lips twitched. “I guess you changed his mind.”
“On some days. He could revert, if he had to. Richard enjoys food. He still feels guilt now and then for what we spend on it.”
“So how are you still a good person?”
“Joy, I think. Or perhaps the belief in joy.” Émeric tilted his head. “After Enzo passed, it was difficult to access, but I still believed in it as a concept. Greed comes from fear. Cruelty doesn’t exist in the same space as a belief that all humans deserve a chance to create joy for themselves. You can’t be in love with the sunshine at the same moment you’re trapping someone else in the dark.”
“That’s…” Jun paused. Bak Gyeong had certainly never believed in joy. He did believe in fear. “That makes a disgusting amount of sense. Especially with how you appreciate food and art.”
Émeric did that head to the side movement again, his lips tilted up a little. “So what are you afraid of? What got you out of bed?”
“Telling the Merchari off like this. Not just cooperating. What if it goes wrong? What if they go after someone else because of me to make a point?”
“None of this is because of you. They’d be doing it because of their greed. You didn’t ask to be born to your father. You didn’t ask to become Bak Gyeong’s pawn. All you’re doing is saying no.”
“I’d still feel responsible.”
“Because you’re a person who cares about others. They’re betting on you feeling responsible. Good people get trapped because bad people point guns at other people. Someone, at some point, has to say no.”
“This is why you don’t negotiate with terrorists.”
Émeric shook his head. “All too often we do, we just try not to call them terrorists when we’re doing it. But that only breeds more. Remember your worth. Not everyone else’s first, yours. Your worth to me, to Damian, to Collin, to Richard, to the rest of 5N, to your fans. The Merchari isn’t sending down edicts from a throne. They’re negotiating. With bullets, perhaps, but it’s still a negotiation. Don’t give them power they don’t have. That just means they collect more power to threaten someone else. That’s how dictators start. They collect a little power and threaten someone who gives in, then collect a little more, and a little more, until they can threaten bigger and bigger institutions. The Merchari operate on two things, fear and greed. Fear for those who they threaten with consequences of not giving them services, goods, etcetera, and greed, all those people like Bak Gyeong or that police chief who think the Merchari will help them get what they want. Don’t give them your power.”
Jun’s lips twitched. “No, I make Damian earn that.”
Émeric chuckled. “Bullies are afraid of risk. The Merchari are bullies. They’ll squish who they have to for appearances. But they’d rather not have to flex their power. It’s a risk each time they do. It’s better for business if people like you give in, give them money, make them more powerful without making a fuss.”
“Talking to me at all is a risk.”
“Yes.” Émeric studied Jun over the rim of his tea cup and took a sip, savoring it for a moment. Then he set it down. “You’re in the public eye. You’ve given testimony. You have a case and you have allies. They should have let you walk away thinking that it was a small time scheme between Bak and an official. They’re probably feeling the effects of the loss of your father as an operative, but you and Damian got ahead of them on that. Your story is already official and documented. The assets are already seized. All they have on you is a flimsy murder charge and whoever they can manipulate to make that stick. Remember, it’s just a charge, not a sentence.”
Jun lifted his chin. “Sometimes I forget that.”
“Don’t. Your world isn’t small, Jun. You’re not isolated like you were. In a way, you were never as isolated as they hoped. You’re the one who picked Damian. The one who kept finding ways to see him, who asked the questions. With or without us, they were never going to hold you, not forever. We make you stronger, but you wouldn’t be here without you. Think of it this way, if you don’t stop them now, how many more trainees are going to be sold, just like you?”
“Knowing what I know now, with all the numbers I’ve run with Collin for the Church, and working with the guys on how to make a tour happen, just the finances for dropping a comeback, looking up finances for other bands, I keep thinking, why didn’t anyone notice? I’ve only been working at this for a couple of months. The people who understood business, why didn’t they notice what Bak was doing? Because seriously, knowing what I know now, shouldn’t it have been obvious we weren’t getting paid? Nothing costs as much as he said it did.”
