Page 21 of Through Quick and Quinn
“No, I really like your ideas. All of them. Let’s decide on one of those,” I responded. I didn’t want to offer up my ideas. What if they distracted her from her own? Or what if she felt obligated to use one of mine? Quinn struck me as the type of person who would put someone else’s preferences first.
“What? No. No way! You have to share your topics. That’s the deal, Quick.” She tried to use her best firm voice, and it took all my effort not to chuckle at how soft her ‘tough girl’ act was. I didn’t want to make a habit of seeming to laugh at her when she talked.
I tried to tell her that I really didn’t have much to contribute, that I would keep thinking for next time, but she wasn’t having it. Without saying another word, she decided to make a huge display of closing her notebook, clicking off her pen, planting it on the table, and crossing her arms.
Two minutes.
That was how long it took for her to break me.
“Fine. Ok. I will give three ideas, too. Happy?” I smiled at her, in sheepish admission that she won. New twinkles appeared in Quinn’s eyes and her grin was winsome, radiant, and infectious. She flipped open her book, pen in hand and ready, and looked at me with eager wonderment.
I sighed. “Here goes nothing,” I thought to myself. I looked down at my hands, cracked my knuckles, and started bouncing my right knee, all clear signs that I was a little nervous to reveal myself in this way. Other than in my letters, I had never let anyone in on my digs.
I took a deep breath and exhaled a huge mouthful of words in about four seconds flat. “I’d be interested to find out the real truth behind the Titanic sinking, who really killed JFK in ‘63 because I’m pretty sure it was the CIA, and what the heck is in those damn chemtrails they’re spraying in our skies.” There. I had done it. There was no going back at that point. I forced my eyes to focus back on her face, and what I saw made my stomach drop. She looked appalled. Horrified. Distressed. I was pretty sure I just made her blood run cold. Was she offended? Disgusted? Her countenance made my level of regret escalate, and fast.
I felt like an absolute idiot. Not only for voicing my thoughts, but for having them at all. It was the first time I ever wished that I never grabbed a shovel, never dug a rabbit hole, and never jumped in it. It was a bizarre feeling. But it was also quite fleeting, because as soon as I processed what this new sentiment was, Quinn softly broke the silence.
“You, Quick, are the most fascinating person I have ever met.”
+ + +
Hey,
Wow. Today was a first. If someone had told me a year ago, or even a month ago, that I would meditate on the quad at school, I would have laughed in his face. Well, here I am. The guy who did just that. Right there on the lawn in the middle of campus.
I left my hat in English class so I swung by after school to grab it, and who do I run into? None other than Quinn. I see her every day in History, I catch a glimpse of her at lunch times, and of course we see plenty of each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I did a double take today when I saw her. Wasn’t expecting to run into her, I guess.
We made small talk for a couple minutes, which by the way I am so glad we’re getting past the awkward phase. It takes us less and less time to break the ice with each encounter, so that’s good. Anyway, we chatted about my hat and history class and the fact that she was so glad we picked the REED topic that we did. She said she started researching chemtrails, which governments around the world have already admitted to using, and the reasons they’ve given for doing so. At first I felt bad when we ended up picking one of my suggestions, but I let it be her call and, to be fair, she really is excited about it.
So as we were leaving the building, she asked what I was doing after school. I told her that I didn’t have a lot of homework and that since the weather was nice, I might go for a walk or something. She then told me that her favorite thing to do in great weather is meditate and asked me if I have ever done so before. I told her that I hadn’t, and she asked me if I wanted to “give it a go” with a short fifteen-minute session. I think the words came out of her mouth before she even realized it.
I guess I hesitated a little too long because she started to retract her invitation, so I cut her off and said that I could give it a try. That was when she got quiet, probably because she was shocked. I told her not to look so surprised, and that I had done a dig on the benefits of mindfulness and meditation practice. She goes, “Oh yeah?” in this playful voice, so then I really decided to stun her.
I started mild. I rattled off some basic benefits that are pretty common sense. You know, like how mindfulness helps people to improve their social-emotional intelligence and has been shown to lessen stress, anxiety, and depression. I think I also threw in there that it helps with better sleep and concentration, too. I then took it up a notch and told her about some of the physical benefits of meditation, like how some studies show it helps to regulate the immune system, reduce inflammation, and calm the fight-or-flight response.
When I tell you that her mouth hit the floor, I’m not exaggerating. Ok, maybe a little. But she was legitimately astounded.
So we headed toward the quad where there’s a big grassy area in the sunshine. When we sat down, I got kinda weird. I was uncomfortable and had no idea how this was going to go. She totally picked up on it, and she said something that was completely out of left field but was also uber profound. She goes, “You know, Quick. Your attitude entering a situation greatly affects your experience and the outcomes thereof.” She let the words kinda hang there for a minute or so as I processed them, and I got where she was coming from. I took a deep breath, told myself to have an open mind, and nodded at her. And then we started.
She told me to relax in whatever way I wanted. To sit or to lie down, and to have my eyes open or closed. I chose the second option for both. She told me that like all things, meditation takes practice, and that I would probably not have a tame mind which was okay. To just try to focus on my deep breaths, counting them if I wanted to, and to let all my other thoughts float by like clouds in my mind’s sky. I was nervous. Nervous that if I was still and quiet for too long, I’d be thinking about you. So I counted my breaths. I kept losing track and starting over from one, and was slightly disappointed when the highest number of breaths I could count without losing track and attention was only seven. What the heck.
After a few minutes of breathing, she told me to try to focus on the sounds I could hear, to heighten that sense. I think that was my favorite part. I’ve never really paid attention to birdsong before, even though I read that listening to singing birds can calm the nervous system. Birds chirp when there are no predators around, so their songs send a safety signal to our nervous system. Makes total sense now. I loved the harmonies of the birds, but I also paid attention to the oak tree leaves, the distant cars, and the nearby neighborhood’s dogs barking.
Before I knew it, she was telling me to gently open my eyes and to slowly sit up when I felt ready. I couldn’t believe fifteen minutes had passed and asked her if we really did go for that long. Her smile told me that it had, and weirdly expressed some sort of pride for what had just happened.
I still can’t believe how relaxed I felt. I really enjoyed it. Like, a lot. And I wanted to thank her, but I didn’t really know what to say.
She’s such a trip.
Anyway, miss you. You’re the reason I couldn’t get past seven.
-Deck
***
Quick / 8:55 p.m.
hey
