Page 112 of Through Quick and Quinn
Good night. Kiss!
Quick:
Only One Way
When I turned seventeen, I begrudgingly celebrated with paper plates, cheese and meat, foil hats, and whipped cream. My parents didn’t even acknowledge my birthday, and I was still feeling like I didn’t deserve one. Only Quinn believed I did.
Fast forward one year. Proof that struggles are temporary. Proof that huge changes can happen over a short span of time. Proof that people should always live with hope.
I picked up on the not-so-stealthy planning of Quinn and my mom that started a week or two beforehand. Anyone would have. It was almost as if their bodies physically could not contain the excitement of the surprise. The giggling. The secret texting. The ridiculous acting. But I pretended to be oblivious. I didn’t want to steal their joy, and watching the two of them plot together was the best birthday gift anyway.
My eighteenth birthday was on a Saturday that year, and the way it unfolded turned out to be the only way I would have wanted it. The two schemers nailed it and planned a truly perfect night in the downtown area. Mom, Dad, Quinn, and I spent the evening devouring food by restaurant-hopping for all my favorites. First we hit up PaPa’s for their bacon-wrapped dates and ended up ordering two rounds because they were that good. My mom was already full by the time we got to Grammy’s Cantina for the verde oxtail enchiladas, my favorite food of all time, and an hour later we all felt like we were going to pop when we finally walked into Zippy’s and ordered cherry chocolate chip concretes for dessert. Delectable.
I was so glad we were downtown because I didn’t want the night to end. It was the perfect place to walk off the pain that came with overindulging, given the window-shopping and the people-watching. What made it even better was my dad telling awful jokes and my mom sharing stories of my early childhood. And ending the night with the spontaneous decision to try outdoor ice skating? That was the best. Who knew that my parents used to ice skate when they were dating back in the day? To watch my parents skillfully glide across the ice hand-in-hand like that, and to share such special moments with the girl I loved, was like a dream come true.
There was only one way it could have been any better. But I knew he was with us in spirit.
+ + +
Hey Geoffrey,
Well, it’s official. I’m officially an adult. Eighteen. What the heck? It’s hard to wrap my head around.
We’ve come a long way, huh? I went from keeping you a secret, pushing people away, and self-loathing all those years to actually being happy. I miss you every second and I constantly think of how you would make every situation better, but at least I’m dealing with losing you better than I ever did before. Mom’s doing so well, our family is finally starting to heal together, and I am crazy in love with Quinn. The only thing missing is you, but Geoffrey, I swear to you that I am going to spend my life honoring you and other kids like you.
If that much can change between the ages of seventeen and eighteen, imagine what next year will bring. I’ll be knee-deep in law enforcement classes and volunteering with anti-trafficking organizations. I know it, deep in my gut: I am supposed to dedicate my life to this purpose. Not that I could ever right the wrong that happened the day we lost you, but to maybe save other families from the same pain? Yes. I will spend my life trying to do that. Over and over again, yes.
So, hey, did you see Mom and Dad ice skating like frickin’ pros tonight? It’s cool to see them together. It’s almost as though they are falling in love all over again. Talk about a relationship of solid fortitude and resilience. They’ve literally been through hell and back, as individuals and as a couple and as parents, but they never gave up. At least not fully. I’m proud of them.
I wonder if Quinn and I will end up together. I mean, right now of course I would say that I want to, but to know that she’s taking off for Florida kinda puts a damper on things. But I think the time and space apart will be good for us. As individuals and as a couple. We shall see. We’re young, I get that. But it feels real. Who’s to say you can’t meet your person when you’re sixteen?
Love you, brother. And I’ll never ever forget how hard you laughed when I dropped my cherry chocolate chip onto the ground within two seconds of getting it. I can still hear your laugh. The best.
Miss you.
-Deck
Sunday, February 9, 2025
Note to self:
I had such a remarkable and relaxing time with Quick and his parents last night. It was one thing to celebrate his birthday, to honor him by planning such a special evening, to see him so peacefully and purely happy, but the best part was sensing that he no longer feels he is unworthy. Being a witness to his healing journey and seeing how far he has come has been one of the greatest joys in my life, that’s for sure.
His parents are so fun to be around! They are incredibly easygoing. They don’t push or pressure, ask or judge, lecture or placate. His dad embraces being a total goober with bad puns and jokes, and his mom is the humble observer type. Quick definitely gets his curious nature from her. What an honor it was to watch their family interact in such loving and beautiful ways. It warmed my soul, but simultaneously made me miss my mom. We’ve been a little “off” ever since the Seek & Speak argument, so I decided last night to put some more effort into making amends today.
First thing this morning, I greeted her with a hug and cheerfully asked her if we could have lunch together. She was a little surprised but of course agreed. We made quesadillas and sat on the front porch, making small talk as we sat in our rocking chairs. There was a little tension in the air, clearly stemming from the topic that neither one of us was addressing, but it was still nice to spend some time with her.
I’m not quite sure how to resolve our differences in opinion, other than with time, a hope for mutual understanding, and the serenity in the surrender. I have to give her the space and time she needs. I think she’s super worried or anxious about the unknowns of my future, or maybe what her life will be like as an empty-nester, but since there’s not much she can do about those, she is perseverating on this online drama. Maybe she’s searching for an aspect that she can control. Perhaps that’s what it is, that she feels like this part of her life—the motherhood part—is spiraling out of her control. Yeah, I’d imagine that would be pretty hard. My poor mom. I need to have more compassion for how hard all of this probably is on her.
…Q
***
Quinn / 6:17 a.m.
Good morning! Happy Garden Planting Day!
Quick / 8:19 a.m.
