Page 12 of Through Quick and Quinn
Tons of girls, too. Typical flirty ones who for some reason only thought they were pretty or worthy or whatever if a guy was interested in her. This one emo girl in English class told me she thought my “mysterious nature” made me “sexy as hell,” and I literally laughed in her face. No surprise that she never spoke to me again. I figured she took my laugh the wrong way and I felt bad, but not enough.
There was this one girl, though, who caught my eye. She was so different. She was a complete loner, not at all a part of the high school drama. I noticed her one day at lunch, sitting on the grass with her legs crossed and her eyes closed, her face lifted towards the sun. Just sitting there. I did a double take as I walked by, not necessarily because of her looks or anything like that, but because it was such an unexpected sight. Turned out she did that pretty much every single day. While other people rolled their eyes at her or ignored her completely, I found myself making sure that she was there. It was almost as though it had become a constant in my life. It was bizarre. What was even more strange was that when she wasn’t there, I found myself wondering if she was okay. Almost like worry.
Then I found myself wondering about all sorts of things. What was she was doing? What was she was thinking about? Was she meditating? I wondered if she was ever distracted by the noise all around her, or bothered by the itch of the grass on her legs during warm months. I wondered how she knew when to come back to reality and gather her stuff for fifth period. I wondered when she ate. I wondered what she ate. I wondered if she worried about sun exposure. (Did a major dig on that. Found out that as long as you weren’t wearing sunglasses, your eyes would signal to your body to release the right chemicals to process the sun’s rays and naturally protect you from skin cancer. In moderation, of course.)
Anyway, that isolated and eccentric girl really piqued my interest that year.
But not enough.
Friday, May 26, 2023
Note to self:
Things had been going so well at home. Mom and I have kept up our weekly dates—sometimes doughnuts, other times the movies. We even started trying to make new foods together, despite our epic fail at homemade tamales. Dinner conversations with the three of us have become normal by anyone’s standards. We can even mention Troy’s name and honor his place in our lives without having an unhealthy chaos storm afterwards.
I guess I should have known that the other shoe would drop.
Apparently, as a way to congratulate me on successfully completing yet another year of high school, my mother decided to pick a huge battle with me. On the first afternoon of summer break! As if I don’t already know that my junior year is going to be more academically involved, she had to drill it home about how important my eleventh-grade year will be when considering my future. My grades are fine, and she even admitted that, but of course, nothing is good enough for her. She laid into me about extracurricular activities and clubs and friends and Prom and, and, and. It felt endless. Evidently, I have all of summer to wrap my brain around what is coming and to mentally prepare myself for the pressures? What does that even mean?
I am so ticked. She is forcing me, forcing me, to “build my resume” next school year. She’s requiring me to join at least one club at school and—get this—make at least one friend that I see outside of class. What the heck? What kind of parent requires that?
It’s not like I don’t want a friend. I just don’t want friends from there. Who wants to spend all day talking about clothes and makeup and boys and booze and all that crap anyway? Not me.
Maybe I’ll start my own club. The Meditation Club or the Chakra Crew or something like that. Ha ha!
Ugh, I’m annoyed. I need to sage the house and rid us of the negative energies.
…Q
Friday, May 26, 2023 - continued
Note to self:
Whoa…. So I smudged the house, which I love doing because not only does it clear the air, but it smells so good afterwards! Anyway, I went outside when I was done to breathe the fresh air and release my thoughts, and guess what I saw. Or rather, guess who visited? Yep, a dragonfly friend. An orange-ish one this time. I guess Mom’s right. Change is coming.
…Q
Saturday, July 22, 2023
Note to self:
Needless to say, much time was spent in Troy’s Zen garden today. When I woke up this morning and opened the shades, I noticed Mom methodically raking the sand with two hands, allowing the tears to roll down her cheeks and fall right into the grooves she was carving. I’m not sure when Dad visited the sacred space, but I did notice patches of sand in and around his backyard slippers when I headed out there after lunch.
With the intention of merely sitting in the garden to meditate, I took my rose quartz with me to amplify the feelings of love and peace that I held in my heart. In my cross-legged pose, I closed my eyes and thought of my brother. I pictured his baby face, and I imagined a white light pulsating out from my heart and headed up to him in the heavens. A few tears trickled from my eyes, but they met my slight smile on the way down. It brought me joy to be in that space with thoughts of Troy, even though it was on the anniversary of the saddest day of our lives. In the Zen garden, I finally felt that I could access him at any time and that he really was immortal for me now. I felt peace.
After meditating, I decided to do some labors of love in the Zen garden. Without having a fully formed goal, I just allowed my body to do the work. I collected the different rocks from around the garden, and without an end-vision in mind, I placed the stones end to end in different patterns and directions. It started to take shape when suddenly, I could see it. I could see what I was creating. Now with less contemplation and more excitement, I utilized several smaller rocks to fill in the gaps and add subtle structure. Before long, it was complete. I took several steps back to take in the full image and it literally took my breath away.
I had constructed a dragonfly.
…Q
?Part Two:
?Quick & Quinn
Quinn:
Live Inspired
