Page 23 of Through Quick and Quinn
9:06 p.m.
Good night, Quick.
Tuesday, September 26, 2023
Note to self:
Okay, so I have become completely obsessed with researching chemtrails these last couple weeks, right? Quick and I have divided up the subtopics and we’re both making progress at club, but I’ve also been digging in my spare time at home. Well, tonight it came up at dinner with Mom and Dad and while I’ve never thought about how it would go if I did tell them about it, I would have never expected it to go the way it did.
Until today, all they really knew about the club was that it was in its pilot phase and that because I joined at the start, I am officially a founder. That of course thrilled my mother to no end and she couldn’t stop talking about how it was such an amazing thing to put on my resume. They also knew that it started with only two people, but they never really followed up to see if the club had grown or anything like that.
So tonight we’re sitting there at the table and my dad brings up The REED Club by asking how it’s going. I told them that I was thoroughly enjoying it and that I didn’t anticipate learning as much as I did. They both commented on how that was great and then my dad asked what topic I was currently researching. As soon as I told them, my mom made zero attempt to hide the dubious reaction that was painted all over her face. I continued to tell them about the admissions already made by particular nations and all that, and my mom interrupts me with, “Oh honey, be careful. You are starting to sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist.” And, per her usual, she followed her nonchalant bombshell with a sudden need to depart the table in a calm and collected manner, this time to load our cups into the dishwasher.
I took a deep breath and tried not to get defensive. I am not going to let noise from my mom taint what I’m doing or how I’m feeling about it. I excused myself from the table and did something I had never done before. I called Quick.
He picked up on the second ring and sounded completely taken aback. I can’t blame him. No one actually talks on the phone these days, especially not us. Anyway, I told him that my mom called me a conspiracy theorist and he chuckled a bit before asking me how that term made me feel. I was like, “I don’t know, how does it make you feel?” I hate to admit, it came out a little snotty. Looking back, I probably should not have called him when it was all still fresh. Oh well.
I wasn’t expecting him to answer my rhetorical question, and I certainly wasn’t expecting the answer he gave. He said it made him feel proud. He then went on to explain what he believed the origin of the term “conspiracy theorist” was, and that it became widely used by politicians and the like to ridicule dissenters or devalue accusatory statements. He said he would be proud to be called a conspiracy theorist, or a CT as he called it, because CT could also stand for critical thinker. And if I know anything about Quick, it’s that he prides himself on asking questions and finding his own answers.
I appreciated what he said and I wanted to process it a bit more, so I thanked him and ended the conversation. That boy really makes me think.
So here I am thinking.
I’m thinking so much that my mind is now a swirl of revelations, and I need to write them down to sort them out and settle my head.
Okay, let’s start with this. What is research anyway? It isn’t simply looking something up. Like when I dig on chemtrails, I am juxtaposing information from multiple sources, and they’re all sources that I think are reliable and valid (hopefully). Research isn’t just fact-finding. There’s a level of discernment that goes with it. And like Quick mentioned last week with his meditation, you have to have an open mind. That is crucial with research. You can’t start researching something with your mind already made up; then all you would want to find would be “facts” that confirm your bias. Bottom line then: Research is fact-finding through open-minded gathering of information from multiple valid sources, without inserting our own emotions or opinions into the process.
Okay, so why research? It shouldn’t be to prove an opinion or to prove that you’re right. It should be to seek truth. Honestly, isn’t that the only reason? Shouldn’t we all want the truth? Like with chemtrails, I want the truth. I want to know the absolute truth. And as hard as some of it is to swallow, and as disgusted as I am sometimes to unearth certain truths, isn’t that still what I want? What I deserve?
I understand that not everyone is going to feel this way or want to spend their free time researching or whatever. I get that. But I shouldn’t be discouraged from doing it for myself, and Quick is totally right: People use the term “conspiracy theorist” to shame others and to dissuade them from digging. Oh my gosh, that is such crap! He’s totally right. It seems so obvious now!
You know what? I am proud. My mom can call me whatever she wants. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change the truth or what I know of it. Phew. I feel so much better. I think I’ll go soak in a lavender bath and relax a bit before bed. My head is still swirling with thoughts, but not really about research. Honestly, I keep having the same nagging thought for the last two weeks.
Why did Quick do a dig on mindfulness and meditation?
…Q
+ + +
Hey,
Had lunch with Quinn today. I joined her on the quad and brought a bunch of snacks from Mr. E’s stash since we never really eat any at club. I felt kinda bad, like I was stopping her from meditating, but she kept saying it was okay and that she wanted me to sit with her. So I did.
It was cool. We chatted about lots of random stuff, like music and movies, and I realized afterwards that we didn’t talk about club once.
I know you’re probably thinking this is some kind of love story, but it’s not. I realized lately that I have literally gone an entire day without speaking a word to anyone. More than once. That can’t be good. And I have to admit that I enjoy spending time with her. She’s quirky and she’s different. She’s easy to talk to. And she keeps it interesting because I never know what to expect with her.
Am I attracted to her? I guess I could be. She’s smart and she’s witty and she does have beautiful eyes. But it’s not like that. I’m honestly just happy to have a friend. Someone to spend time with without any pressures or expectations. It’s easy and I can see now that I was missing the element of human contact in my life.
So yeah, I guess I have a new friend. It’s weird though. Sometimes I view her more as a riddle. Like something I’m trying to figure out or to solve. Like a real-life dig. There’s more to her than meets the eye, I can tell. Like I said, she keeps life interesting.
She probably thinks I’m a bit of a riddle too, though. Like today, she told me she was going to try making homemade churros and asked me if I wanted her to bring me one tomorrow. I’m sure she thought my “NO!” response was way over the top. Hence, a riddle.
I feel lighter. Maybe a little happy? I don’t know. I feel guilty about it, but I know you’d tell me not to.
Love you.
-Deck
