Page 124 of Through Quick and Quinn
The first time I noticed her on the quad my sophomore year. The day Mr. Erickson assigned us as partners. Her brainstorming notebook. Me being relieved that it was only us in the club. The texting. My first meditation. The waterfall. The tin foil hats. The bookstore. The arguments. The make-ups. Fourth of July. The bike rides. Our first kiss. Our second kiss. Roller skating. Driving. Seek & Speak. The protest. Prom. The list was endless.
After about an hour, she was the one to break the ice. Not that the silence was icy. It was full of warmth and all the words that didn’t need to be spoken. But she was the one to speak first. And since she was the brave one, she was bold enough to direct the conversation right to the inevitable.
“Quick, we should talk about us.” She sat with an upright posture and waited for me to do the same. Across from one another, we held hands as I searched her eyes and she searched mine. The connection between us was so strong, we could read each other. Our moods. Our vibes. Our body language. She was spiritually brilliant, and over our time together, I picked up a little inner intelligence, too. Within a minute, we both nodded. Her tears welled up when she realized that I understood, and as she started to apologize, I stopped her.
“Please don’t apologize, Quinn. Don’t ever be sorry for pursuing passions and creating your future, just like you would never want me to apologize.” I leaned over and placed a kiss on the bridge of her nose.
“You’re right. I wouldn’t. But I want you to know that I will miss you every single second, Quick. I love you in so many ways, and… ” The overpowering sobs came on suddenly and completely consumed her. I wrapped her up to my chest, squeezing her against me, and I stroked her hair until she caught her breath. Tears fell down my face as well, quiet ones that I was sure she could feel as they dropped on the crown of her head.
“I’m not worried, Quinn.” I pulled away from her so I could look at her perfect face as I bared my soul to her. “I’m curious, but not worried. I love you more than I can say and I know this connection is real. And special. And unique. I’m not worried about us. I’m just curious as to how we’ll end up. But do I think we’ll be the best of friends even when we’re old and gray? Absolutely. We’ll just have to see about the other part.”
She scooted closer to me so she could place her forehead to mine, my cheeks in her soft palms. “I feel the same way, Quick. And you’re right. Right now, the best of friends need to support each other without placing unnecessary pressure in terms of a long-distance relationship type of thing. Let’s just promise to keep communicating. I don’t want us to make any assumptions about why I didn’t text or why you didn’t pick up or whatever. Assumptions are always negative, totally based in fear and insecurity. Right? So let’s be sure to stay honest, and everything will be okay. Okay?”
I answered her with a kiss. “Yes.”
“Because we don’t know how it will go. And I get overwhelmed when I spiral about our future. I don’t want to be so focused on how we’ll end up that I miss the journey there, you know what I mean? That future will come, whatever it may be. In the meantime, we have to take one step at a time and make each step the best it can be. Does that make sense?”
I answered her with another kiss. “Yes.”
She took a deep breath, the kind that she taught me to take, and then another and another. I could see her entire body start to relax. She smiled at me and whispered, “I love us.”
We settled back into a quiet cuddle, savoring the moments. The silence was short-lived though, and this time it was my doing. “Are you nervous?”
“Absolutely,” she sighed.
“But you know you’ve got this, right? You’re going to kill it at that program, and as strange as it will be to live on your own, I know you’ll be great. I doubt anyone’s totally ready to move out. It’s more like something you have to figure out as you go. At least that’s what I think. But yeah, you’ve got this, Quinn.”
“I know. Things will go right and things will go wrong, but at the end of each day, I’ll be grateful that I’m out there chasing it and making it happen, you know? That I’m fortunate enough to be able to do that.”
“I’m so proud of you.” My voice cracked a bit as she touched my cheek.
“Don’t forget to be proud of yourself, too, Quick. What you’re doing, both at school and at home, is nothing short of honorable. You are going to make a huge difference and be a massive light in that evil world of darkness, I know it. And you staying home to be with your folks? You’re amazing. So selfless, so loving. My gosh, Quick. Please be proud of yourself, too.” She sat on my lap to envelop me in a bear hug.
“Thank you, Quinn. For saying that. And for everything. You completely changed my life, you know. You saved me. You literally saved me.”
“You completely changed my life, too, Quick. You shaped me. And I love you so much for it.” It was one of the dozens of times that day that she told me she loved me, and each time was matched with a heartfelt profession from me. We spent the whole day relaxing and reminiscing through laughter and through tears, before finally heading downtown for dinner and dessert. The time eventually came for me to drop her off for the long and painful good-bye, and afterwards I cried as I drove home. The sadness and the emptiness felt like it would swallow me whole.
Little did I know, Quinn prepared me for dealing with the pain from that good-bye. She made sure I would be greeted at the door when I got home that night. Not by my mom. Not by my dad. But by someone who immediately stole my heart.
Jack.
I instantly knew he would help me through the next steps. He’d get me to smile when missing Quinn would get to be too much. He’d keep my feet warm when I would study for those college exams. He’d hike with me to the waterfall and he’d ride shotgun on our adventures. In that moment, I knew that Jack would greet me every single time I would open the front door. And I knew that every time I turned that door handle, I would hope she’d be there waiting to greet me, too.
But I also knew that she wouldn’t be.
?Part Four:
?The Truth
Quick:
Life After Quinn
That first year went as expected.
I started college and knew on day one of the criminal justice class that I had made the right choice. School was so much more enjoyable for me, given that I was studying what I wanted to learn. I became even more dedicated to my objectives. The achievement of those goals started to feel like they were right around the corner, which in turn fueled me even more.
I made a couple buddies, like-minded people with similar aims. I had no choice, since it felt like college was full of collaborative projects, but I was glad to expand my social circle a bit. They introduced me to the world of pool halls, and it didn’t take long for throwing darts to become a serious hobby of mine. I even installed a dartboard in the garage and found myself out there often, with Jack snoring in the bed I put for him in the corner. Dad would throw darts with me sometimes, or Mom would sit out there with some tea just to chat, but mostly, it was a quiet time of concentration. It became a type of meditative activity. A time to sharpen my focus, both on the board and in life.
