Page 120 of Through Quick and Quinn
I whipped around to give him a huge bear hug. “Wasn’t it so perfect, Quick! We totally nailed it. I’m so proud of everyone! And look, my parents are here!” I pointed in the direction of Mr. Erickson.
“Yeah, I noticed them earlier. I’ll have to tell you all about it, but later. For right now,” he snuck in a kiss, “let’s finish cleaning up and start our weekend. Yes? I’ll make sure everything’s good around here. I think you, little leader lady, should go around and thank all your peeps.”
I grabbed his cheeks and gave him a loud smooch. “You’re so right! I have to tell everyone how awesome they are. Thank you! You are the best boyf—” I started to say. Surely my face revealed my embarrassment, but he just laughed a little, winked at me, and planted a kiss on my lips before heading back over to the quad. Overwhelmed with love for him, I watched him walk away, and for the second time in a matter of minutes, I was so focused on a faraway scene that I was jolted by an unexpected presence.
This time it was my parents.
My dad, who was not a man of many words, simply embraced me, but I could feel the pride emanating from the tight hug that lingered longer than usual. When he finally released me, I turned to face my mother who was absolutely beaming. She held my cheeks in her soft palms and regarded me in a way she never had before. It was as though she was perceiving me in a new light. Her eyes slowly passed over my facial features as she went from looking into my eyes to noting the details of my eyebrows, from observing my smile to admiring my cheek bones. She was seeing me for the first time.
“Baby, I am so damn proud of you.” My mom didn’t take her eyes off of me as she spoke. She ran her fingers through my hair, combing it from the top of my head down to the tips, as she continued. “You were so confident today, so driven. So mature. So passionate. And such a natural leader, Quinn. I am very proud of you and this young woman you became, right before my eyes and right under my nose. I love you, baby.” She drew me in for a hug right as the first tear escaped and traveled down my cheek.
Later that night as my folks and I were sitting out back by the Zen garden, my dad finally processed the afternoon’s events and what he wanted to say to me. I always loved that about him, that when he spoke it was purposeful and deliberate. Out of nowhere, as we were quietly sipping our lemon balm tea, he cleared his throat and announced, “They say that someone’s true character is revealed when faced with struggles or challenges. We were impressed with your character today, Quinn. You handled yourself well and to see all of the others looking to you for guidance shows that you are highly regarded. I’m proud of you, kid. Well done.”
“Aww, thanks Dad. I feel really good about it, too, but it means the world to me to hear it from both of you today. Thanks guys.”
My mom placed her tea on the side table near her and turned to face me. “You know, when I was in my younger years, your dad and I went on a little adventure. Remember, honey, when we floated down the river? How old were we then?” She looked to him, only to receive a shrug in return. “Who knows, maybe I was twenty-five, twenty-seven. Something like that. Anyway, you weren’t born yet. I don’t even know if we were married yet, now that I think about it. Honey, were we married yet?” Again, a shrug, but this time it was accompanied with a grunt that indicated that most likely they were not. “So your dad and I decided to go floating down a river. We each had our own raft and one oar, and we hopped in our rafts and away we went.”
My dad cut her off to interject, “Yeah, but we had two very different experiences on that same day in that same river.”
“Yes we did. Your dad basically slept through the entire thing. He was relaxed, lying back, closing his eyes—”
“Not the whole time. I was the one who saw the fish jump out of the water, remember? You were too busy tr—”
“Let me tell Quinn the story, please and thank you.” She shot him a look and all three of us knew that he wouldn’t be interrupting again.
“Your dad was so relaxed, Quinn. I could see him leaning back, resting, letting the river take him wherever it was going to take him. I, on the other hand, was not. I was not relaxed, not even the slightest bit. All I could see were boulders and sharp protruding rocks. Twists and turns and sudden curves. Honestly, it was so stressful for me. I was using my oar constantly, trying to avoid this thing or that thing, pushing away from this rock and that rock. At one point, I somehow beached myself on the side of a boulder and got stuck. It was awful. Just awful. That was when I started to get really mad at your dad. I was annoyed just looking at him. And then, after about an hour, I was so physically exhausted that I literally gave up. I threw my oar down in the raft and sat there cross-legged, like a pouting child. And then, I remember this one particular moment so vividly, I was sitting in my raft, exhausted and self-pitying, when I saw a boulder and a curve up ahead. But I had quit. I had given up. As my raft got closer and closer to the boulder, I could feel myself getting nervous, but I was like, ‘Oh well.’ And sure enough, the river floated me right past it and the curve was just a gentle change in direction. And at that moment, it clicked. I needed to relax, to let go. The river would do the rest. And it did.”
“Yeah, you really enjoyed those last three minutes of the ride,” my dad chuckled.
My mom joined in on the laughter. “No, come on, it was more like five minutes. But yeah, I sure did enjoy it. And right when we got to the landing dock, I wanted to do the whole thing again, now that I had figured it out.”
“Did you?” I asked.
“No, I didn’t. And sadly, we never floated a river again. Life kind of happened after that. We moved here, we had you, and you know the rest.” I saw a flash of sadness, but she recovered quickly. “But, Quinn, I am telling you this story for a reason.” She sighed, and it seemed to convey heavy disappointment. “I had forgotten the experience, or maybe I didn’t hold onto its lesson as much as I should have. But today, it hit me like a freight train.”
“No, it hit you like crashing whitewater waves.” Dad laughed at his own joke. Mom rolled her eyes at me, which in turn made me chuckle. His joke, not so much.
She pulled me in closer to her, squaring her shoulders towards mine and holding my hands in hers. We locked eyes and after she took another deep breath, she continued. “I learned such an important lesson that day, Quinn. That it’s better to enjoy the journey, especially since so much of it is out of my control. That river was so much stronger than I could have ever been, and fighting it was futile. Trying to control it was futile. And maddening and frustrating and just plain stupid. I still wish I’d relinquished control like your dad did, right out of the gate. Anyway, I realized something today as I watched you in action. This past year or so, I’ve been trying to control your journey, Quinn. Trying to impose my oar as I worried about the boulders I thought were in your way. And in doing so, I lost sight of what matters. I forgot to enjoy it, Quinn. I should have known all along that you are your own force and that you know exactly how you want to flow and where you want to flow to. And honey, I have to say, you are the strongest, most powerful, most beautiful river in all of the lands, and I am honored to be your mom.”
I tried to find the words. I tried to tell her how much I loved her, how I admired her, how I thought she was the epitome of strength, of resilience, of grit, of resolve. I wanted so much to, but instead, it was all I could do to fold into her lap and sob.
+ + +
Hey Geoffrey,
March got pretty wild there, but I gotta say, April has been mellow. All the seniors are pretty much done, and the teachers know it. Our workload dropped to basically nothing and we’re all just phoning it in. Seek’s on pause until further notice, and once I reminded Quinn of what she said from the get-go and that we accomplished what we set out to do with it, she chilled out.
We’re on spring break right now. She and her folks spontaneously decided to head to Oregon to float down a river. Some bucket list item for her mom. I’ve been relaxing at home. Spending a lot of time with our folks, doing the usual. Dad and I are chipping away at the list, and apparently we’re headed up to the attic tomorrow. Should be fun. Mom and I are tending to the garden, but she’s more interested in looking for a clunker for me. Some cheap, old car that I can get my hands on. Maybe even fix up a bit. I’ve got about $5000 put aside from working at the supermarket, but we haven’t found a car that fits the bill yet. It’s fun looking with her though.
Hey, Geoffrey, this is the first April without a nightmare. No flashbacks. It’s been a long time, actually. After doing those digs, and I think especially after making a decision as to how I can spend my future righting the wrong that was done to you, the rough nights subsided. Almost like I’m finding peace with it maybe? I don’t know. I will never have a day where I don’t think of you, miss you, struggle with it all. But Mom being home and doing so well, it’s helping. Seeing your pictures on the walls again. Talking about you more often. It’s definitely helping.
April is tough for Quinn’s family, too. She invited me to join them for Troy’s triple tradition birthday celebration. I guess it was her mom’s idea? I am shocked, but honored. Wouldn’t miss it.
Love you, brother.
-Deck
Monday, April 21, 2025
