Page 72 of The Accidental Nanny
“Because Mummy didn’t want any more children, so I made sure I couldn’t make any. My seeds don’t work anymore, they’re gone.” I don't know how else to explain it.
“I want to see Gemma,” Eden says, starting to cry again.
“I’ll message her. But you can only see her on the condition you promise not to tell her what I've told you today. Do you promise?” I wait for an answer.
“Promise,” Ace says first.
“Promise,” Eden replies.
I send a text to Gemma. I feel so bad asking her to see the children right after I broke her heart. She texts back that it’s okay as long as Mum brings them and not me. She doesn't want to see me, which is understandable.
I feel my own heart break, but I'm used to it. I have to do what's right for both Gemma and the children.
Once they’ve had breakfast, which is a sombre affair, my mother fetches the children. I’m left alone with my thoughts and feelings, surrounded by Gemma’s efforts at decorating for Christmas. Spotting the snow globe, I go over. I’ve not seen this in years. The happy family smiles at me, taunting me from within their snowy paradise. I grab it, throwing it in the bin, and cursing the fact I ever replaced it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Gemma
It’s been four months since Christmas. Four months since Alex had ended things, and life hasn’t gotten easier despite everyone's promises that it would.
I’ve seen Eden and Ace a few times with Jill. It’s hard to say goodbye to the children each time. I know it sounds silly, but I’d grown to think of them as my own. The time is coming when I'm going to have to stop seeing them, to make it easier for all of us.
I tried to revive my social media account, but it's full of depressing songs with sad pictures and quotes. Or it has memories of me getting ready to go out partying or shopping. None of that brings me any joy anymore.
Fern and Brody have been going out with me, to make sure I’m safe. The only enjoyment I get is seeing how uncomfortable Brody is in a nightclub.
It's Saturday, and Dad walks into my room. I groan as he stands at the end of my bed.
"Gemma."
"It's early." Grabbing my phone from the side, I start to order food and an iced coffee from my favourite place.
"I know, but we need to talk," he says. At least he keeps his voice quiet.
"Yes." I’m too engrossed in my mobile to look at him.
"It's not as early as you think. It's 11 a.m., and you've gone back to your old ways. You're shopping every day, partying almost every night, and you're not working or looking for work." He doesn't sound angry, but I also think he's disappointed in me.
I feel my voice catch in my throat. “He broke me.” I put my phone on the side. Looking at my dad, I can see the sympathy in his eyes.
“I know, but, sweetheart, it’s been months. We’ve given you enough time to recover from this. I’ve been speaking to Beth’s parents. Annabelle has a job in her nursery. She said for you to call her.” He hands me a business card. I stare at it and nod. He sits down and puts a hand over mine. "You need to move on."
"Why does it still hurt?"
"Because you really did love him," my father says.
"He didn’t even give me a reason." I’ve cried so many times over him, going over every single detail. What did I do wrong?
Dad strokes my hand, pulling me in for a hug. “Honey, maybe it’s time to move on.”
“I don’t want anyone else.” I start to sob, pulling away from him. My pillow gets thrown across the room.
“The first one is always the hardest, Gem. Why don't you try dating again? There’s a nice lad who works in the company. His name is Leon. He’s a year older than you." Dad goes and retrieves my pillow and gives it back to me.
I wipe my eyes. “Are you trying to set me up?”
“I can't stand to see you so upset. Just try dating again, that's all I'm saying. It doesn't have to lead anywhere.”
