Page 42 of The Accidental Nanny
“Do you?” I scream back.
Alex walks away from me. I walk after him, pulling him towards me–his face close to mine.
“Don’t tell me how to parent. He’s my son,” he growls just inches away from me. He’s so close, just a breath away.
“No. If that were the case, you would have fired me on day one. You told me I have to prove myself, and I’m doing it. He’s done nothing wrong. I bet my life on it. Can you say the same thing?”
“I love him. I am the only person who truly loves him,” Alex shouts at me, his nostrils flaring.
I ignore the speck of spit which lands on my cheek. “I’m not denying that. I know you love Ace, but this is about trusting him.” I put my hand on Alex’s arm, stroking it as I try to calm him down.It was a trick I learnt with an ex-boyfriend. He got mad because I hit his car with mine once.
He looks me in the eyes. His thumb wipes my cheek, and he stares at me, tilting my head up to his. There is silence as we both look at each other. I can see he’s arguing with himself, so I make it easier. I lean into him and the next thing Iknow his mouth is on mine. Our tongues are touching, swirling around; he tastes of coffee and the sweetness of the vanilla ice cream.
My hands are in his hair, holding onto him, scared he’ll stop if I let go. He picks me up in his arms and puts me on the kitchen table. As he undoes his shirt, I pull my top off. Oh God, is this actually happening? My body is reacting to him as his mouth moves along my neck. I let him take the lead, unsure of what to do. All I know is I want him.
“Gem.” His breath is heavy, he looks me in the eyes, kissing my mouth one more time.
My legs open as he stands between them, pressing against my sex. There’s a wetness in my knickers. His hand slides between my legs. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long. His fingers lightly press on my clit.
“This is my first time since Julia.”
“This is my first time ever,” I reply.
He stops suddenly, staring, before he grabs his shirt, walking away.
“Alex?” He turns to look at me.
I stare at him, hard. He’s rejecting me.
“It was a mistake, I’m sorry. I took it too far.” He walks out of the room, leaving me behind.
He really is an asshole. I run up to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me, there is a quiet tap. I lie there in my shorts and bra, unsure about what to do.
“Gemma, can I speak to you?” Alex’s voice is muted through the door.
“Go away, I’m fine,” I call.
“You don’t sound fine,” he says.
“I am.” I sniffle, and a tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away.
“I’m coming in.” He opens the door.
Lying on my bed, I stare at the ceiling, but I still feel hispresence consuming the room. I look over to him, and I catch him raking his eyes over my body.
“I took advantage. I shouldn’t have kissed you. That wasn’t fair to put you in that position,” Alex admits. His voice is soft like he uses with the children when they are upset, but I’m not taking this. He was scared, and I needed him to be honest with me.
“I wanted you to kiss me.” I sit up, giving him a better view of my breasts.
“Don’t say that, please. You’re saving yourself.” Alex runs his hand through his hair, grabbing the back of it.
“Is it because I’m a virgin?”
“Yes, no…yes… I wouldn’t feel right if I had done that. It should be with someone you care about. You love. Not from an argument. Not something you will regret. I don’t want you to regret it. Trust me.” He pauses, looking around the room. When he turns back to me, his jaw is set. “Night, Gemma. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Alex, would you have stopped if I hadn’t told you?” I question him. But he doesn’t answer, he just leaves and shuts the door.
I want him to be my first. I want him. Now. I don't care. I get my phone to text my only friend. Next weekend, I am going to party and lose my virginity.
