Page 24 of The Accidental Nanny
I close my office door, not hearing the end of her sentence. Soon, my mobile phone rings—it’s my elusive wife.
“Julia,” I answer, weary about what she might want.
“Please sign the papers,” she begs. Not even a hello. I haven’t spoken to her in months, then I get two calls in two days.
“Why should I? Do you ever consider the children? For fuck’s sake, you walked out and never even said goodbye. You never gave us a reason. Why should I give you what you want when you don’t give a damn about our kids?” I feel like breaking her in two.
“Please, Alex. I’ll let you have full custody.” Her pleas just anger me more.
This isn't who I am. I'm not an angry person, yet I seethe as I speak to her. “You want the holiday home but not the children. You just want to skip merrily out of their lives.”
“Yes. They don’t need me,” she says with confidence
“I think you’ll find they do," I retort.
“Why do you care now? You never bothered when I was living at home. You never cared about me then. It was always about work,” Julia shouts at me.
At last, we're getting to the bottom of this. I wait for her to finish before I snap back. “Fine, punish me, but not the kids. Eden has nightmares every night. Ace doesn’t smile anymore. He’s angry all the time. It isn't fair on them. What you're doing isn't fair. They are your children, they come from your body.”
“Stop, Alex. Stop!" she cries.
“Why should I?” I demand.
“Because I don’t love you,” she admits. "It's over, Alex. Can't you accept that?"
“And them? The children?Yourchildren? Do you not love them?” I ask with desperation in my voice.
“I don’t love them either,” Julia says.
My heart breaks in two. The phone is silent on both ends. Anger doesn’t even cover what I’m feeling.
“I never wanted them. You did. Eden was a mistake. I could never bond with her. If you remember, I wanted an abortion. You said you would support me, but you left me to it. I had your mother interfering all the time. I wanted out of that life. I wanted to live again,” she yells down the line.
“You were too far gone for an abortion by the time we found out. Even if you wanted one, you couldn’t,” I reminded her. “I had the vasectomy after Eden was born, just like you wanted." My voice is louder than it should be given I’m at work.
“Not soon enough,” she screams at me.
“Have your divorce, but on one condition. I want your word that you’ll give up all legal rights to the children. I’ll have to be the one to tell them their own mother doesn’t love them.”
“Agreed,” Julia hisses, and slams the phone down in my ear.
Grabbing my laptop, I throw it across the room first. The coffee mug follows, hitting the office door, it smashes into bits. I walk out away from the mess, slamming the door behind me.
“Cancel all my meetings. I’m going home,” I yell at Fern as I head out.
“How do I leave?” Fern asks, rising out of her chair.
“Through the door,” I growl.
I need to hit something. Anything. My gym bag is in the back of the car, thank goodness. Smelling my workout clothes, I figure they’ll do. They are a little musty, butwearable. I pull up to the gym I haven’t used in six months, go inside, and ignore everyone in my path. I change in no time, lacing my shoes before I storm over to the punching bags and throw my first strike.
Gemma
The lasagne is burnt. The three of us stare at its charred remains. I open all the windows to let out the smoke.
“How did you manage to burn it so badly?” Ace asks.
“We have salad,” I offer with a cringe. Both the children look at me like I’ve lost the plot. “Fine. Your dad said he would be home by now.” I look at the time on my phone: it’s gone five o’clock.
