Page 35 of Edge of Ruin
He slowly, tenderly petted my hips. Stroking the roundness.
“Why?” I whispered. “Why torture me like this, if you think so little of me? Why not just kick me out? It would be kinder.”
“I don’t think little of you. On the contrary.” He kissed my bare shoulder, lips moving in a caress that left shimmering warmth in its slow wake. “I think you’re amazing. Talented, beautiful, fascinating. So amazing, I can’t do anything except speak the truth to you. Even when you don’t want to hear it. That’s respect, Viv. That’s the real thing.”
“Your truth,” I said.
He shrugged. “That’s the only one I’ve got.”
“It’s not the only one there is,” I informed him. “Other people have their own.”
Silence was his response to that. Slowly, he lifted his lips from my shoulder. “I know you’re scared to leave because of what’s happening in your life,” he said. “But I also know that once that situation resolves?—”
“If it ever resolves,” I broke in, my voice bitter.
“Once it is resolved, you’ll pack up your van and drive away. As soon as it really sinks in.”
I twisted around to stare at him. “As soon as what sinks in?”
“What it means to look at the same damn place, day in and day out. Or the same person.” His voice was quiet but utterly convinced. His hand stopped, barely touching the hot glow of excitement between my legs.
“And I can’t convince you any different?” I whispered.
He paused for a moment, motionless, and said, “No.”
My laugh felt more like a sob. “But you still want to fuck me.”
“I still want to be your lover,” he corrected. “And I want it respectfully.” He pressed his hot face against my shoulder, his hands delving deeper, making me squirm. “I ask it ... respectfully.”
I clamped my thighs around his hand, squeezing it. “Oh, yeah? You call that respect?”
“I love to make you feel good,” he offered. “That’s not disrespect.”
I could hardly breathe. I tried to hold his hand motionless with my thighs, but his long, clever fingertips kept delicately caressing me, and it felt ... so ... good.
“I don’t want to get hurt,” I blurted.
“I don’t see any way to avoid that.” His voice was muffled against my hair. “It already hurts. It’ll hurt no matter what we do.”
“And we might as well make the best of it?”
He pulled me against him, tightly. “I’ll make it the best. I promise.”
“One question,” I said. “What happens if I just don’t leave? Is there a statute of limitations on this notion that I’ll run? If I’m still here in five years, ten years, what then? Would you be glad? Disappointed? What?”
He declined to reply, but I could see his answer in his eyes. That door in his mind was closed, locked, barred. Nailed shut.
He would never give himself up to me completely.
And still, I was hungry for what he offered, no matter what was held back. I should be prouder, I should demand more, I knew it. But I wanted every last fragment. Every tiny crumb I could get.
“Yes,” I said. “I want you.”
Chapter Twelve
Vivi
Jack’s eyes flashed, and his fingers tightened on my ass. I waited until I started getting restless and impatient. “So? Jack? Did you hear me?”
