Page 81 of Summer Fling
I wasn't sure how I got through the rest of the night. I cooked a kid friendly meal of mac and cheese and hot dogs, cutting them small enough for Lilliana. Then I covered a plate for Blake and put it in the fridge for her because she hadn't come out of her room.
I went to bed feeling like I'd screwed up. We'd talked about this being our plan all along. She'd pretend to be my girlfriend and then my fiancée so that I could fight for custody of my daughter. Why was she backing out now?
What about that phone call had changed her mind? The only conclusion I came to was that she didn't want to help me. That she didn't want to be by my side.
I shouldn't have to do it on my own. I expected her to be there for me.
I was better with her by my side, supporting me. Isn't that what a real girlfriend would do? Sure, asking her to pretend to be engaged might be a step too far, but we could have talked about it. Maybe negotiated something. Instead, she was hiding in her room.
I was supposed to be giving her the space she requested, but I was worried that the more space I gave her, the further she'd move until she was gone all together. Was I pushing her away?
Then I remembered my plan was to push her away, to encourage her to go back to school. Maybe this rift was a good thing. She'd be so mad at me that she'd leave and finish her education.
I was a mess, and I didn't want to brood all day, so I texted Mom and said we'd be there for dinner today.
I didn't want to hang out around the house. Maybe I should get used to the idea of Blake not being here. I could plan for the mediation better that way. Then I wouldn't be in a state of suspended hope.
I could move on and plan my life accordingly. But then why did it hurt so much to think about her not being here?
I made cheesy eggs for Lilliana, then let her play in my bedroom, closing the door so she wouldn't disturb Blake. Then I jumped in the shower. When I got out, the house was quiet and Blake's door firmly shut. I arrived at my parents' before the rest of the family.
"You didn't invite Blake?" Mom asked when I arrived in the kitchen with Lilliana.
"She had some things to do," I said cryptically. She was doing some thinking about our future, and I couldn't hang around while it was in the balance. I wouldn't survive it. I felt unsettled and antsy. I couldn't see the positive right now.
Her forehead creased. "Is everything okay with you two?"
Should I tell her the truth? "Ashton called yesterday. Oakley wants to schedule the mediation soon."
"That's good, right?" Dad asked from his spot at the table where he was drinking coffee.
I gave Lilliana to Mom. "Yes, but he wanted us to pretend we were engaged."
Mom frowned. "Why would he want you to do that?"
I blew out a breath. "He's the one who suggested that we pretend to be dating. He thought it would make me look more stable than Oakley, and it would fend off her complaints about me having a woman living with me."
Mom set the knife down. "Are you saying that you aren't dating Blake?"
"It started out as an act but quickly turned into something real. Or at least I thought it was."
Mom exchanged a look with Dad. "Are you in love with her?"
"I am. But I don't know how she feels about me."
"You both seem happy whenever we see you. I never would have thought it wasn't real," Mom said as if she was trying to work out this development in her head.
"She thinks pretending to be engaged for the mediation is a step too far."
Dad cleared his throat. "If the court finds out you've been lying, that won't be good for you either."
"I hadn't thought that far. I assumed we'd pretend to date, then go our separate ways. But when it became real, I worried about what was next for her. Would she return to the mainland to complete the doctorate program? Then when I saw her teaching that class yesterday, I knew she was on the right track. I shouldn't hold her back. I can't ask her to stay."
"That's noble of you," Mom said simply. "But is that what you want?"
"This is her future."
"What are you going to do about the mediation?" Dad asked.
