Page 132 of House of Embers
“We fought them, stole their entire armory, took out two of their dragons and riders, and got in and out of there right under Bastian’s nose. They’re calling it a victory,” Fordham explained.
Kerrigan fumed at the lies buried in those words. “It was an abject failure. We didn’t get the crown. We were betrayed. My father isdead. Gelryn isdead.”
“The price of war.”
She shuddered. “Our failure is bringing the people together?”
“Yes,” he said flatly.
“I don’t want to hear about it.”
“Kerrigan—”
“No. I’m keeping vigil.”
“You’ve been out here for eight hours,” Fordham said. “You are literally freezing. Your lips are blue. You can’t sit here in the rain any longer or you’re going to get sick.”
Kerrigan said nothing. She stared forward until Fordham released another sigh and dropped to the ground next to her. He wrapped a warm arm around her shoulders and drew her body against his.
She tipped her head against his chest, letting his warmth seep into her. It was a bitterly cold night, with the first hint of winter in the air. It said there wasn’t much time left before they made their assault against the Society. If they waited any longer, they’d have to wait until spring. That would give Bastian too much time to prepare. He’d already had long enough.
And yet she couldn’t make herself stand up. She couldn’t force her feet back to the war council. She couldn’t bring herself to lead.
Look at what happened when shedid lead.
Death.
A sob escaped her lips, and she buried her face in Fordham’s shirt. He pulled her into his lap and brushed the water droplets out of her hair.
“I’m here,” he said. His lips pressed into her hair. “I’m here.”
“I don’t want to cry,” she gasped.
“Please cry,” he whispered. “Please. I worried that I’d lost you. I worried that you were gone. I can’t lose you, Kerrigan.”
Tears fell down her cheeks thicker than the rain that had pelted her for hours. She soaked through Fordham’s shirt. The words she tried to speak were unintelligible as she sobbed. Her throat was raw from hyperventilating as everything broke into a million brittle pieces, and the only lifeline in all of it was Fordham, who clung to her like she might blow away with the wind.
When she had cried until her entire body ached, she finally pulled back, wiping uselessly at her eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”
He stilled. “Do what anymore?”
“Lead.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Look what I did,” she whispered. She pointed at the pyre. “Look.”
“You think that was because of you?”
Kerrigan pulled herself out of his lap, coming to shaky legs. “How could it not be?”
“Explain,” he said as he stood.
“I was reckless,” she gasped. “I did the stupid thing that has always worked for me in the past, and look where it landed me. No crown. No father. No Gelryn. If I had stuck to the plan and not insisted that we go after the crown, then he’d still be here.”
“Am I reckless then? Because I went along with the plan.”
“It was my plan.”
