Page 35 of Falling for You
Shit. This is not going how I thought it would. I collapse into the chair at the table with Mom.
“Well that was quite the morning show.” She smiles at me over the lip of her mug.
“I don’t know why he did that. We aren’t a thing anymore … because of Hunter.” I roll my eyes and pull Olivia out of the car seat, bouncing her on my knee to hopefully keep her awake until her next nap time.
The schedule from Diane shows a very different sleep pattern than what she’s currently got going on. And I’m determined to fix it by following what she’s used to.
“Give me that baby girl, and tell me what is actually botheringmybaby girl. Because I know it wasn’t a kiss on the cheek thathappenedafteryou called me.” She narrows her eyes, like she’s looking right through to my soul.
I slouch back exasperated by the morning, that feels like it’s already been a whole day. “She doesn’t sleep. Mrs. Ryan said she does, and there’s a schedule that shows she does, but she doesn’t.” I yawn while talking, as if my body is emphasizing this point.
“Oh that’s easy, isn’t it baby girl?” She nuzzles noses with Olivia. “First we do a warm bath with low lighting, some lavender bubbles to calm us down. Then we get into our nice cozy jammies with the nightlight on, and rock while we eat our bottle, listening to some calming noises. Then right before you’re about to fall asleep, we put you in your crib. The key is to keep the lights low this whole time.”
I type furiously into my notes app on my phone. Ready to try everything I can before bedtime tonight.
“So I need bubbles, more jammies, a nightlight and a crib. This won’t be too hard.” I sigh exasperated at the amount of stuff Olivia needs. “Do you think Liam would build a crib? Or I should just buy one. We need it tonight. Think he’ll put it together? I should probably check to see what kind Roman wants. Or I should just do it so we have it ready to go, maybe…”
Mom cuts off my rambling, “I’m sure all the boys would help with whatever I tell them to help with. Would you like me to go to Portland with you so we can hit the big stores and spoil this baby girl rotten?”
“Yes, please. A day with my mom sounds perfect.” I reach and grab her hand in thanks.
She studies my face, scrutinizing every reaction, and movement. “What else is wrong? I know there’s something.” She narrows her eyes.
I look around us, the early morning rush seems to have thinned out, I lean in to her, “I had a miscarriage in March,Mom.” Tears well in my eyes. “Rome had said last night that this should be us with the baby, and I never even told him that it almost was.”
Mom immediately gets out of her chair and drags it over to me, wrapping her arm around me. “Oh honey. Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay?”
“Physically, yes. Emotionally, no. I thought I was. I thought I could shove it all down and keep it in, but now, with Olivia, it’s all coming back.” The tears fall freely down my cheeks and Momma rubs my back while Olivia blows raspberries at me from her lap. “I know I need to tell Rome. I just don’t know how. And now with everything—all that’s going on, I can’t.”
“I agree that he needs to know, but I’m worried about you. What can I do for you? How can I help you?” She looks in my eyes, roaming my body like she’s trying to find any physical pain, but she won’t find any. Just my mental pain.
She is exactly what I didn’t know I needed. “Just spending the day with me and helping me learn how to care for a baby while grieving my own is what I need, Mom.”
She hugs me, squishing Olivia with us, who giggles as my hair tickles her cheek. Her giggle makes me smile as we pull apart.
“Shall we shop til we drop?” Mom asks. She’s always been good at knowing when to push, and when to just give me love. I’ve never been so grateful for that now. One of the main reasons I didn’t tell my family is I didn’t want them to treat me like I would break at any second.
“Yes!” I shout.
Olivia coos up at Mimi K as she lays her back in her car seat.
“I’m going to order us two coffees to go, you get this sweet girl all settled.” She walks over to order from Esther.
“Are you ready to get spoiled?” I sweet talk Olivia as I clip her in and wrap her blanket around her legs.
She blows more raspberries in response with a smile on her face.
And I feel the same joy about spending the day with my Mom, spoiling this girl who I feel a connection to, maybe it’s because of our losses. She lost a mom, I lost a baby.
Together we make a perfect match. And maybe somewhere, my baby has a perfect match with her mom. Two moms just taking care of each other’s babies.
“Jesus, I could have built one of these things from the wood in my shop faster.” Liam and Hunter are both sprawled out on the floor in Olivia’s room with approximately one thousand pieces of a crib laid out around them.
“I thought about asking you to do that but I needed it for her tonight.” I bounce Olivia on my hip.
“There is still time,” Hunter chimes in studying the directions that come in nine different languages and none of them make sense.
Wyatt walks into the room. “Look out boys. I just put together an Ikea desk at work, and not to brag, but it only took me three shifts.”
