Page 32 of Falling for You
“It’s okay, sweet girl. You’re in a new place and it’s scary, huh?” I coo at her. “Can you play pink noise?”
“What? Pink noise? What the hell is that?” Roman pulls out his phone.
“It’s like white noise but it’s supposed to be more calming for babies to sleep.” I smile down at Olivia, setting our pace in the rocking chair from Mom’s front porch.
“How do you know all of this stuff?” he mutters to himself as he types on his phone and then the sound of the pink noise fills the room. Olivia immediately quiets. “What the hell? Seriously.”
Rome runs his hands through his hair. He’s clearly been at this for awhile.
“I just googled some stuff this afternoon. I wanted to be prepared.” I stroke Olivia’s hair with my fingertips. Rubbing her silky, short locks in one fluid motion like the article said.
“Google? Really? You mean to tell me I’ve been feeling like a failure all day thinking you had some magic gene I was missing and it’s all because you Googled?” He looks at me in shock.
“It’s been twenty four hours, you shouldn’t feel like a failure.”
“I didn’t even think to Google, Sunshine. How inept is that?” He sits next to me on the floor.
“You’ve got a lot going through your head right now. You’re doing great with her. Don’t get down on yourself.” I reach out my hand for him to hold and he takes the opportunity.
“She needs a real bed,” he says quietly to himself.
“I’ll ask Liam to build one. I think he’d like to do that for her.”
“I don’t know. I’ve already dragged you all into this mess far enough. I can buy her a crib.”
“Stop. We are here for you. You are our family. Every single Keaton will do whatever they can to help.” I admonish him. He may not have had a warm and fuzzy family, but we are and he should know that by now.
“Do you believe them?”
“Who?”
“Diane and Wayne. I feel like they’re genuine people. It’s just as hard on them as it is me.” I guess we’re doing the late night confessional.
“I do. But you’ll know tomorrow.”
He moves to lay his head on my lap. “I told my parents today.”
“And how did that go?” I lean my head back on the rocker, stroking Rome’s hair now instead of Olivia’s. His hand rests on my thigh, holding her with me as her eyes flutter closed.
“About like you’d expect.” I feel him shrug. “Not great.”
“Their loss. She’s perfect.” Smiling to myself I realize how quickly I’ve fallen for this little girl. And I’d already fallen for her father. This is going to be tough. What happens when he figures this all out? Will I still be needed? The fear of losing her is creeping in day by day.
“This should have been us,” he admits, drawing lazy circles on my leg.
A lump forms in my throat, afraid of where he’s going, “What should have?”
“This. Having a baby. Sitting in the quiet of the night after I got to watch you grow our baby for nine months. Looking back on all the memories of it all while we hold our little miracle.”
I don’t answer him. I can’t. The pain is too much.
Too real.
“Yeah. I used to think that too.” The past tense comes out subconsciously.
But it’s true. I haven’t allowed myself to think like that since I hid myself away.
His shoulders sag against my leg and I can feel his tears soaking through one small spot on my pants. I continue to stroke his hair until his hand falls from Olivia and his breathing evens out. Waking him up, I send him to bed to get some sleep for work.
