Page 36 of I Choose You
“Enough,” I hissed. “Enough. I’m not you, Mom. I don’t want that life. This life.” I waved my hands around me. “I want to earn my own money. I want to find someone who loves me. I want to find a small cottage with warm wood floors and cozy blankets and hot chocolate. I want to live my own life, not yours. I’m not getting back with Will. I’m not going to latch on to the next up-and-comer in the hopes of being some politician’s wife.” Tears threatened to break free as I unleashed all my pent-up anger at my mother. But I refused to cry. I wouldn’t let her see me crack, my father’s voice in my head once again:Never let them see you cry. You’ll only look weak.
“I’m not your little paper doll. Stop trying to make me you.”
I pushed my chair back, and Reid was out of his seat in a flash. He grabbed my hand, threading our fingers together. My anchor, holding me steady. The look on my mother’s face was priceless. I had told her before, many times, what Iwanted for my life, but never like that. We didn’t have that type of relationship. Ours was more the “you do what I say because I’m your mother and I know best” type. That might have worked when I was a child, but I was a grown woman now. I could make my own choices, and that was exactly what I planned on doing.
Everyone at the table was staring at me like I had lost my mind. I offered them a weak smile, wishing them a good night before I led Reid out the door.
I left the dinner with my hand in Reid’s. He opened the passenger-side door of my car for me and swung around to the other side.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
My hands felt clammy, and the adrenaline in my system was making me jittery. “Of course,” I lied. “I’m fine.”
“Do you need anything at your parents’ house before we head home?”
I looked over at him, my brow furrowed. “I can’t head home. The wedding is tomorrow.”
“You’re still going to go?”
“Yes. I have an obligation to be there. I can’t not show up. That isn’t even an option.”
Reid’s fists clenched around the steering wheel. His sharp jaw, highlighted by the passing streetlights, could cut glass.
“Why not? You made your appearance for the bride. The rest of this circus is for what? Just to make your parents happy? Because they give a shit if you’re happy?” His tone was harsh. I could understand where he was coming from, but he didn’t get that this was how things were done around here.
I had always struggled to get out from under my parents’thumb. I’d gone to law school because that was what my father expected of me. I’d dated a future politician, a model of the man I was supposed to look up to, for years. I fought tooth and nail for my parents’ approval, but after all this time, I had to admit that it wasn’t going to come. After I dropped out of law school—clearly seeing the writing on the wall that a career that hinged on my ability to argue with people was not going to be successful—there was no recovering from that level of disappointment. Marrying me off to Will Tennison was the next best alternative, and I blew up that plan too.
Having Reid by my side today made me realize how unhealthy I had let my relationships become. Or maybe they were always unhealthy, and I just didn’t recognize it. I honestly wasn’t sure, but my perspective was shifting. I felt like my eyes were finally open for the first time.
We got back to the estate, and I was wrung out and completely exhausted.
“Are you sure you want to stay here tonight? I’m sure there’s a hotel or something.”
“It’s fine, Reid. It was just an argument,” I said. He didn’t need to know that I had never, in my thirty-two years of existence, ever spoken to my mother like that.
I changed out of my dress and threw on a pair of pajamas. Reid had stripped down to his boxer briefs and was sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I hadn’t really thought about sleeping arrangements when I came out here earlier. Do your parents have another guest room or something?”
I was too tired to be nervous or self-conscious, although a part of me was coming alive the longer I stared at him.
“I’m not sure what they have available. You can crash here,if you want.” I had to walk past Reid so I could plug my phone in on my nightstand. “But you’ll have to take the other side of the bed.” My legs grazed his knees as I passed him. It was so dumb, the tingles that traveled across my skin at the slightest touch of him.
Reid smirked at me, his eyes quickly scanning me from head to toe. He scooted further back on the bed, then rolled to the other side. He looked like a little kid rolling down a hill.
I had a passing thought that having Reid in bed next to me was going to be too distracting, but my exhaustion overpowered me, sleep coming no more than three minutes after I laid my head down.
* * *
In the sharp light of day, everything about yesterday felt like a dream—or a nightmare. I think I must have blacked out sometime throughout the day and turned into a totally different person. I wouldn’t even believe myself that Reid drove four hours to come save me from a dateless wedding weekend if not for the fact that he was snoring softly beside me. His long, dark lashes kissed the apples of his cheeks, his shirtless chest rising and falling as he snoozed soundly. I would be sleeping like a rock, too, if I hadn’t made a complete fool of myself at dinner yesterday.
My emotions felt like they had been put in a salad spinner.
Reid showed up and saved me from having to get through this weekend alone. Happy sigh.
My mother tried to physically push me toward an ex-boyfriend that I really, really didn’t want to be around. Exasperated sigh.
Reid kissed me. He made my head spin and my knees feel weak. Euphoric sigh.
