Page 91 of Chasing Stars
JENNA
It was a bad idea to meet Miles at the house. I was doing okay. I actually felt excited when I got Danny’s call that the repairs were complete. I wrote him a check and drove it right over to his office. And now, I am free. The house is in a suitable condition to sell. Aunt Leona has persuaded me to stay through the new year, but then, I’m out of here. Nothing is holding me back from starting over, completely fresh. But the second I saw Miles, I knew I would be forever tethered to him and this place. I thought telling him I missed him would open the door for an honest conversation, but I didn’t realize until that very moment that he’s hurt too. Neither of us meant to, but we hurteach other.
After he left, I crawled into my parents’ bed upstairs and slept for hours. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but now I know I am not ready to leave. I’m not ready to walk away from Miles, Cape May, my new friends, or my found-again family.
The days since have passed in a kind of emotional fog. I’ve kept busy—helping Aunt Leona with dinner plans, taking long walks on the beach, going only to work, and avoiding the places where I might run into Miles. But even in the quiet,he’s everywhere. I still hear his voice, his excited laugh as he’s catching a wave. I reach for my phone to call him to tell him small things about the house, or how amazing the stars looked the night before.
Now it’s nearly Thanksgiving, and I still don’t know what to do. But I know I miss Miles. I know my world is empty without him. I think about the night he told me he loves me, under the sky speckled with stars. A love like that doesn’t just vanish. Maybe he is missing me too.
I imagine if my dad could have picked a partner for me, Miles is exactly who he’d choose. He’s kind and grounded, and even though he carries his own pain, he still shows up for me.
So that brings me to one obvious choice.
If I have to start over, why not here?
Why not in Cape May, where I’ve found my family again—and finally started to heal? If I stay, maybe we’ll find our way back to each other.
Aunt Leona convinced me to shut my brain and my phone off for Thanksgiving, so that’s what I’m going to do. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, a week after seeing Miles, I finish my shift and meet Aunt Leona at the grocery store to finish our shopping. She has invited a few widows from her church group over for the feast, and of course, Jake will be there too.
There will be six of us in all. It seems like we’re preparing way too much food, but that is the Italian way. Aunt Leona reminds me so much of my dad that sometimes, I can’t even bear to look at her. But the one thing that will always fill me with nostalgia is her love of food and the comfort it brings.Happy? Eat. Sad? Eat. Worst day of your life? Let me make you your favorite meal. How about a sub tray?It’s exactly what my dad did for me after a bad day at school, or when I didn’t make the travel soccer team. I smile at the memory as we walk around the store. Even though I feel pretty low, I’m going to let Aunt Leonamother me, and I’m going to indulge in this Thanksgiving feast—for memory’s sake.
Thanksgiving morning, I wake up early, bundle up, and take a walk on the windy beach. Even though it’s freezing, I take off my boots and walk along the water’s edge. I inhale the scent of the ocean breeze, feel the cold sand between my toes, and breathe. There isn’t much that the ocean can’t cure, but a pang of sadness hits my chest when I see an early morning surfer catching a big wave. I think of Miles and his desire to feel invincible, to chase away sadness with each smooth ride in. I think about bobbing side-by-side on our surfboards at dusk, gazing at the first stars appearing. Miles made me feel invincible too. If nothing else, I’m thankful for those moments we shared.
It’s been a week since we looked at the house repairs, and Miles hasn’t called me. I didn’t call him either. He left so quickly, I got the impression that I was the last person he wanted to hear from. So there we were, at an impasse, neither of us wanting to be the vulnerable one. Now I can’t help but think it should have been me.
I trudge back up the beach, ready to help Aunt Leona cook, knowing it will keep my mind off Miles.
“Jenna.” Jake’s voice startles me. He steps out of the truck in a wet suit, barefoot and sandy, his surfboard lying in the bed.
“Early morning surf?” I ask, quirking my eyebrow. “It’s cold.”
“This is a winter suit,” Jake says with a smirk.
“Where did you go?” I ask, leaning against his truck.
“The usual…The Cove.” Jake hesitates, squinting at me. “Have you seen Miles lately?”
I shake my head. “No. Was he there?”
Jake frowns, like he wants to say something else, but doesn’t. “No, I was just wondering.” Jake shrugs. “I’m going to ask my mom if she needs anything, go home and shower, and then I’ll be back for appetizers at noon.”
I nod and offer him a tight smile. “Okay, sounds good.”
Aunt Leona planned an early Thanksgiving. She says senior citizens like to eat early and go to sleep. I have to admit, they may have the right idea. Jake and I walk inside together to find Aunt Leona flipping pancakes and listening to Michael Bublé’s “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.” Jake and I exchange amused glances.
“I haven’t seen her this excited for the holidays in a long time,” he whispers to me. “It has everything to do with you.”
I shoot him a grateful smile and follow him into the kitchen.
“Ma, do you need anything?” Jake asks, kissing Aunt Leona on the cheek.
“No, but I’ve made pancakes.” Aunt Leona gestures to a foil-covered plate on the table.
“Mom, we’re eating a huge meal in like three hours.” He rolls his eyes.
“Jenna will eat them, won’t you dear?” She gives me a smile that crinkles her eyes.
“I sure will,” I say, sitting at the table and putting a few pancakes on my plate. “Then we’ll get started on the mashed potatoes.”
