Page 87 of Chasing Stars
When I reach the top of the stairs, they’re already inside. I force myself to take a deep breath, willing my pulse to slow down. Miles is just being neighborly. I brace myself and walk in. Jake is on the floor on his side, locking the tree trunk into the stand while Miles holds it up straight.
Aunt Leona is watching, arms crossed, directing them. “Miles, tilt it a little to the right.” She points and he does. “There you go, that’s it.”
“Got it,” Jake declares, sitting up. He stands and dusts off his hands before offering one to Miles. “Thanks, man. You made that easier than it would’ve been otherwise.”
I gasp in mock offense and both men turn toward me, silence hanging in the air.
“What? Where’s the lie?” Jake smirks.
“Miles, would you like to stay for Chinese?” Aunt Leona asks. Jake and I whirl our heads in her direction simultaneously, and it’s not lost on Miles.
Miles chuckles awkwardly. “Thanks, Mrs. Walker, but I really should be going.” He moves toward the front door, but as he brushes past me, he stops, reaching for my arm. “Can I talk to you?” he whispers.
My arm is sizzling under his touch. I want nothing more than to go back with him and curl up on that couch with him and Pete. I want to forget his betrayal ever happened. “Okay.” My voice is faint.
Miles leads me outside and pulls the front door closed behind us. I lean against the wall for support, but Miles towers over me.
“Jenna, I miss you,” he croaks. “Have you gotten any of my messages?”
I close my eyes and nod before meeting his smoldering gaze, burning right through my tough exterior.
He lets out a defeated sigh. “Okay then—” His voice is full of ragged emotion and if I let him continue, I’ll cave.
I hold up my hand. “Stop, Miles, please. I’m not strong enough for this,” I beg. Then quieter, “You broke my heart keeping that from me.”
Miles puts his right hand on the side of the wall, boxing me in. He drops his gaze to his feet, sighing. When he looks back up, his eyes are glistening. “I broke my heart too,” he rasps. “I guess this is it then.”
His body is so near to mine that I can feel goose bumps rising under my sweater. My stomach is in knots, his breath is tickling my neck.Oh, how I want to stop him and say it’s not over.The heat between us is scorching. Just because he hurt me doesn’t mean the fire went out.But I can’t.
“I got so hurt, Miles,” I murmur, refusing to meet his vulnerable gaze.
Miles pushes off the wall and walks away, raking his fingers through his hair in visible frustration. Then his eyes pierce mine with a determination that makes my insides heat and my thighs ache. “I will make this up to you,” he vows, and then he’s down the stairs, leaving me in dismay.
The delivery driver startles me out of my pity party a moment later with two overstuffed paper bags of Chinese food. It’s enough to feed ten people and far too much for the three of us. I thank him and take it inside.
“Food’s here,” I say, glancing at Jake, flat on his back stringing lights on the bottom of the tree, and Aunt Leona, perched in the chair, delegating.
“Oh yay!” She pops up. “I’ll get some dishes.”
“I’ll be right back,” I call, walking down the hallway to my room. Seeing Miles again stirred something deep inside me. His absence has left a hole in the rhythm of my days. A sharp ache spreads throughout my chest. I wanted so badly to melt into his arms and forget about all of it—nothing matters but the two of us. But that’s not true anymore, and so a quieter, sharper part of me won out, reminding me why everything ended in the first place.
Last week, when Miles brought me flowers, there was a card attached. I shoved it in my nightstand drawer without looking at it, but suddenly, I can’t wait any longer. I have to know what it says. I yank the drawer open, pulling out the brown paper envelope, ripping it open in haste. There, in the center of the card is one sentence, written in Miles’ scribbly handwriting:
I thought if I told you the truth, you would leave, and I wouldn’t be able to take that. —M
A teardrop lands on his jagged handwriting, making the ink run. The truth is, it probably would have freaked me out, but I wouldn’t have left. I am constantly looking for glimpses of my mother and father in everyday life. I look for signs that they’re with me and that no matter how much I feel it sometimes, I’m not alone. The fact that my dad died saving Miles makes me feel like he’s meant for me, if only he hadn’t kept it from me.
“Jenna, you coming?” Jake's voice brings me back to the present.
I sniffle and drag my thumb under my eyes, wiping away mascara-tinged tears. “Coming!” I call, glancing at myself in the mirror. I really do look sad. I force a smile at my reflection. “Put on a happy face,” I murmur to myself.
So, I do just that.
44
MILES
I’m at work on Wednesday when Danny calls. I assumed he wouldn’t be updating me on the job now that Jenna and I are over. I figured he’d update Nate, or Jenna herself. I answer anyway.
