Page 77 of Chasing Stars
“Bye, Erin.” I lift my hand, giving her a half-hearted wave.
Erin walks away, and ease settles over me. Halfway there. If I can just get Jenna to talk to me, maybe she’ll see what I see: we’re meant to be. But my relief is short-lived when I feel a pairof eyes on me. I look up to see Joy, giving me a death glare. “Hey, Joy,” I call, waving.
Joy doesn’t reply, she walks into the coffee shop, never taking her narrowed eyes off me. Just great.
I pullmy phone out of my pocket as I walk toward my car. There is nothing from Jenna. I hit the call button, and it actually rings before going to voicemail. “So, her phone is on,” I say to myself. I call again. This time it goes to voicemail after only two rings. She declined me. I hammer out a text:
Me:
Jenna, please talk to me. I love you
.
For a moment, the three dots are there, and I get my hopes up, but nothing ever comes. There is nothing else to do but go home. I climb into my car and crank the seat warmer. It’s cooler than I thought. As I drive, I find myself going in the direction of Jenna’s house. I don’t think about it, I just drive. I turn slowly down Monarch Street, anxiety rising in my chest, my heart hammering. My eyes sting from exhaustion, despite ten hours of sleep.
When I pull up to Jenna’s house, there’s no one there. The house is dark, her car is gone. Where could she be? I assumed she went home last night after her dinner. She must be with Jake. That must be why he came for me. I get out of the car and walk around the house, eyeing the exterior work Danny and his crew have already done. The tarp is still on the roof, but the foundation work looks almost complete. I wander back around front and sit on the stoop. “How did things get so messed up?” I say to no one.
I’m terrified of losing Jenna. At the same time, I’m afraid of her coming back and hurting her. I already failed once. Maybe it’s better if I cut her loose now—save both of us from the heartache. I know deep down I won’t be able to do that, though. Jenna has changed me forever. She cracked something open in me that I’d thought was sealed shut forever. Before Jenna, I was drifting through life, going through the motions—avoiding anything that required me to feel too much. She brought warmth back into my life, made everything matter again. Her quiet strength, the way she carries on with life despite everything she’s been through—even when she’s falling apart. She makes me want to be a better man. I just have to hope that I changed her in some way too—that some part of her believes I’m worth staying for.
I groan and walk back to my car. The two surfboards that never leave my roof rack beckon me. I haven’t been to the beach for a couple of days. Every time something in my life happens that feels too overwhelming, the waves have been there. I crave the rush of adrenaline, wondering if I can conquer them each time, feeling invincible when I do. I walk around to the trunk, checking for my spare wet suit. It’s there. I hop in the driver’s side and do the only thing I can when I feel like I’m drowning. I drive to the beach.
39
JENNA
When I open my eyes in Aunt Leona’s guest room, I’m confused. I’ve forgotten everything that happened yesterday, and I’m grappling at the space next to me for Miles’s warm body. I don’t find it. Then the memory comes crashing into me like a freight train.
Miles lied. He betrayed me.
The panic of never seeing him again rises in my chest, and I have a sudden, desperate urge to talk to him. I grab my phone. He’s called twice and texted. I’m just about to hit call when I hear Jake’s voice.
“Jenna, are you up?” he calls down the short hallway.
I toss my phone aside and meet him at the bedroom door. “Hey,” I say, suddenly conscious of wearing my satin pajamas in front of my cousin.
“I just saw Miles in front of his condo,” Jake blurts, pushing his way into the room.
“What were you doing all the way over there?” I frown. “It’s the other side of the complex.” The color drains from my face as I make the connection. “Were youwaitingfor him?”
Jake shrugs, looking embarrassed. “Maybe. I just wanted to talk to him.”
I put my hands on my hips. “Listen, I know you think you’re making it better, but you’re not.” I exhale my frustration and close my eyes for a moment. “Please, stay out of it, okay? Don’t talk to Miles.”
Jake looks ready to argue but he closes his mouth. “Fine. But you shouldn’t either.”
I turn away from him and back to my phone. “I’ll figure it out,” I mutter, picking up my phone.
“I’m just trying to help, Jenna.” Jake’s voice sounds wounded and defensive all at the same time.
I shoot him an apologetic look. “I know. I get that. I just have a lot going on in my mind and…I have to figure it out.” I look down at Miles’s text and start to type back, but then something stops me. No matter how much I love him, he kept something huge from me. He might love me, but he wouldn’t have done that if herespectedme. I set the phone on my nightstand and start making the bed. Jake is still standing in the doorway.
“What are you going to do?” he asks me, his voice tight with uncertainty.
“I’m going to have brunch with Joy. And then, I don’t know.” I shrug. “Maybe go get the rest of my stuff from the house.”
“Let me know if you need any help,” Jake offers halfheartedly.
“Thanks, but I think this is something I have to do on my own. I’ll see you later.” I offer Jake a small, weary smile, a polite cue to go.
