Page 29 of Chasing Stars
“I did it to be nice,” I repeat, meaning it. But after these past few days with Jenna, it’s more than that. I’ve come to care about her—more than I expected to. I don’t want to see her struggle even though she’s clearly capable of handling things on her own. The day I showed up to help her clean, she was already elbow-deep in it. She’s the one who called the utility companies, talked to Danny about the work, and made a plan for how to move forward. Clearly, she doesn’t want my help, but I want to give it anyway. It’s a foreign feeling. With Erin, doing things out of love slowly turned to obligation. But with Jenna, it’s different. I don’t feel obligated—Iwantto carry some of the load for her.
“Don’t be nice to me, Miles,” she says firmly. “I’mnotstaying here.” There it is again. The tone of voice she uses when she’s trying to convince herself of something.
“Iknowyou’re not staying,” I say, stifling a smile. “You never let me forget it.”
Jenna sighs. Then, quieter, “It’s just…if you keep being so nice to me then…” she trails off.
“Then what?” I press, holding her gaze.
“Then I’m going to want to. Stay, I mean.” She chews on her lip.
I bite back the grin threatening to betray me. I like the idea of her staying, but I won’t say that out loud. Not yet anyway, not until I’m sure I can be what she needs. “So, stay, Jenna. It’s a great place to live.” I hold out my hands as if to say,take a look around.
Jenna narrows her eyes. “No. I’m not staying. I don’t even know what I’d do here.”
I chuckle.So, she’s stubborn.“Okay, fine.” I raise my hands in surrender.
Jenna sits there quietly for a few moments. I boot up my computer while I wait for her to talk again. I busy myself, clicking through my inbox, taking a sip of water, rummaging through my drawer.
“It’s just—I don’t know how to handle you doing these things for me, Miles. For so long,Iam the one who took care of another person. My world revolved around my job and caring for my ailing mother. So, when you sweep in here and do these things, it makes me really uncomfortable.” Jenna eyes me cautiously, gnawing at that lower lip that drives me crazy.
I let out a long,slow breath before I speak. “Wow. I’m sorry, Jenna. I didn’t think of it like that. I just thought I was being nice.” Embarrassment warms the back of my neck. Here I thought I was sweeping her off her feet and I did the exact opposite.
“It’s okay,” Jenna says quietly. “Idoappreciate your help. I just…need some time to adjust to my new normal. I’m trying tofigure out what to do next and where I belong.” Her voice cracks but she doesn’t falter.
“Okay. I’m sorry.” I look at her and our gazes lock, neither of us speaking.
Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I swallow the knot in my throat. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
A slow smile creeps across Jenna’s face. “I got a job,” she offers.
“A job,” I repeat, returning her smile. “Even though you aren’t staying here?”
She ignores me.This girl is too much.I try to ignore the hope that blooms in my chest at the idea of her staying. Until she tells me otherwise, I should take her at her word.
“Where?”I ask when it’s apparent she is only going to tell me if I do.
“The hardware store. It’s just holiday help,” she assures me. “Did you know Joyownsthat place?” She quirks her eyebrows in surprise.
“I did, yes,” My lips twitch.
“She was the first person I actually felt like I could be friends with here,” Jenna says matter-of-factly.
“Hey.” I scowl at her defensively. “What about me?”
“Besides you.” Jenna smirks, pursing her lips.
“Good. I’m glad.” I smile at her and my cheeks warm. “I took the liberty of calling the exterminator. Your house should be fine to stay in tonight.” I force myself to hide the disappointment from my voice. I was really hoping she’d need another night with me. Just thinking about the way we woke up today makes my dick move. I need to think logically. I refused her advances last night. I can’t just change my mind today. That wouldn’t be cool.But dammit, I want her.
“That’s good since I already went inside.” She laughs, and I think maybe I’m forgiven.
I’m not feeling much like laughing anymore though. “When can I see you again?” I ask, urgently. I don’t even bother to mask my desperation at this point.
“Oh, Miles…” Jenna sighs. “Maybe it’s a good idea if we take a few days of space…let whatever this is”—she motions between us—“simmer a little bit.”
“I don’t want to let it simmer, Jenna,” I admit, and it sounds harsher than I mean for it to.
“ButIdo,” Jenna reaffirms. “I put myself out there last night, and you turned me down. I realize now that was probably for the best.” She doesn’t let her gaze drop and neither do I, wondering which of us will break first.
