Page 27 of His to Burn
I didn’t hit people.
I’d worked hard to become the kind of person who didn’t even think about doing things like that.
Jackson noticed when my gaze shifted, and his expression softened enough to ignite a fire in my belly that made the shame that much more acute.
I was sure I looked as horrible as I felt, that he noticed all the shit I was thinking, but that damn stubborn pride made me lift my gaze back to his.
Jackson didn’t waste the opportunity. Any softness in his expression was gone when he said, “I did what you had to. I’ll probably have to do worse. No sense crying about it.”
“Do I look like I’m crying, Jackson?” I said even as I resisted blinking back the tears threatening to spill.
He scoffed, but the sound was more amused than annoyed. “Name’s Jack. And I wouldn’t ever suggest such a thing, Counselor,” he said.
“A wise decision,” I said, with bravado I didn’t feel.
In fact, I didn’t feel anything.
And maybe that was for the best.
Going numb had saved me more times than I could count, but I’d told myself that I was past that. I was convinced that the little girl I tried to protect was all grown up now and able to take care of herself. So shutting everything down, denying every emotion, even despair, wasn’t something I needed to do anymore.
But I was doing it now.
Felt myself slipping into that gray, foggy space where I felt like I was outside of my body, watching as life unfolded and not experiencing it.
Why would I want to experience this anyway?
This was everything the movies told me the end of the world would be.
What better time to lose myself than that?
I didn’t have a convincing counterargument, yet I fought to maintain myself…needing to hold onto something.
I didn’t understand it, but I knew, just knew, that if I went to that place again, the AsiaI was, the one I’d fought so hard to become, would be lost.
Probably forever.
And that was a fate worse than whatever those people would have done to me.
“You still with me, Counselor?”
Jackson’s voice seemed closer now. When I looked up, I realized he stood even closer.
When I locked eyes with him, saw how close he was, I threw myself into his arms before I could even consider stopping.
SEVEN
Asia
I held onto Jackson for dear life.
It wasn’t my proudest moment.
Not by a long shot.
I don’t need anyone.
I had taken care of myself for so long, I almost believed that was true.
