Page 114 of His to Burn
We piled the find in a cardboard box that was still dry and left. Caitlin was in front of me as Lourdes trailed out of the kitchen, her eyes locked on mine.
I let Caitlin get a little farther away and then went to Lourdes.
Before I could speak, she said, “You okay?”
Tears sprang up before I could blink, but I swallowed them back. She didn’t miss them, though. She smiled softly and then handed me a travel pack of wipes. “It looks dusty in there. You can clean up with these.”
“Thank you,” I said as I gave her a hug.
Lourdes was always kind, and seeing that something of the world survived had me close to tears again. I stepped back, but Lourdesreached out for my hand and squeezed, saying so much without words.
The moment was short-lived.
Without even turning, I felt Jack’s presence, and when I turned, he was there.
Lourdes moved past me quickly, looking nervously at Jack before she went back to the dining area.
I breathed deep to prepare myself but was still surprised at the intensity in his gaze.
“I need a word.” He didn’t wait for me to respond before he grabbed my elbow and marched into the storeroom.
My pulse throbbed at my neck, and I glared at Jack.
“Do you have something to say, Jackson?”
He didn’t respond right away.
Just stood there with his locked jaw and burning stare, the silence louder than shouting would have been.
“Go ahead,” I snapped.
“You shouldn’t have let them in,” he ground out, his voice was low, rough.
It sent a chill down my spine that had nothing to do with fear.
I fought that feeling back and focused onthe matter at hand. Jack had held his tongue, but I’d known this conversation was coming. Best to get it done. “We went over this, Jackson. They’re people, Jack. Good people. They needed help.”
The muscle in his jaw ticked faster with every word I said. “That’s exactly why you shouldn’t have let them in. Because you can’t keep that bleeding heart of yours in check long enough to see it might get you killed. Get me killed.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is a little human compassion inconvenient for you?” I took a step closer. I hated how small my voice sounded, but my anger carried it. “Not everything is a tactical calculation, Jack.”
“Out there, it is. If you forget that, even for a second, you die. Or worse.” His voice dropped, eyes boring into mine. “And leave me to clean up your mess.”
I breathed out hard. “So that’s what I am? A mess to clean up?”
His hand shot out, curling around the back of my neck. The rough heat of his palm simultaneously anchored me and lifted me up.
He pressed his forehead to mine, the tender touch such a stark contrast to his rough hands.
“You’re exactly that,” he growled. “You’re a fucking problem because I can’t fucking think straight with you around.”
His confession lodged in my chest.
I couldn’t breathe around it.
Didn’t want to.
“I didn’t let them in for me. I did it because I refuse to let the world turn me into something I’m not,” I whispered.
