Page 22 of The Space Between
It felt like breathing after holding it for too long.
It hurt, but I crave more. I need more. But I don’t know what I have to give. I can only take.
That’s not fair to her.
“I want to protect you,” I finally say.
Her voice is quiet. “From what exactly?”
“From me.” It’s blunt… honest.
She lets out a laugh. It’s low, tired, and cracked down the middle.
“You’re not the one who broke me, Gruene.”
“No, I’m not. But I can’t give you what you want. What you deserve. I saw it today.”
She inhales and laughs dryly, but she doesn’t speak.
“You wanted more, Blakelyn. You deserve more than I can give.” I growl it.
She exhales. “I don’t know what I want.”
“You want me.”
Her head turns. Our eyes lock. And she says the one thing that ruins me completely. “You want me, too. Don’t lie to me or yourself about that, Gruene. I can’t stand a liar.”
My chest caves. Because she’s right.
Iwanther. I wantmore.
Ifeltit when I kissed her. When I had my hand on her jaw and her thigh was pressed into mine… when she made thatsound—half breath, half plea—and my body lit up like a fucking live wire… that was real.
I’m lying. Not just to her. To myself. And I can’t do it anymore.
“I think about you when I close my eyes,” I say, my voice as rough as gravel. “I think about your hands. Your mouth. The way you look at me when you think I’m not paying attention.”
She goes completely still beside me.
“I want to be near you, and I want to keep you away at the same time.”
I do. I want her and I don’t want to want her. I don’t deserve to want her, but I fucking do all the same.
Her breath catches. “I know that.”
“It’s not fair.” I snap, wanting to walk away. But I don’t.
“It’s not supposed to be fair, Gruene. Life isn’t fucking fair. I fell in love with someone who didn’t actually exist. He was supposed to love me, to protect me… to cherish me. Instead, he fucking hurt me… mentally and physically. Over and over and over again until the day I left… in the middle of the night with eight boxes to my name. You… you lost your family… your wife and daughter… your world… because of a freak and tragic accident. Life isn’t fair. But it doesn’t mean you stop living it.” Her voice is cracked, broken, raw, and so damn honest, it hits me like a punch to the gut.
I look at her. She stares back and shewaits...
For the truth. For the risk. Forme.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I say. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do here, Blakelyn. I’m broken, a shell of the man I used to be. I don’t know how to be anyone else. I’m fucking drowning here. I’m in the middle of the river with rapids pummeling me and I can’t get back in the raft.”
Her lips twitch and she says, “Welcome to the club.”
I laugh. It’s low and broken and completely fucking real. And then, I reach for her.
