Page 123 of The Space Between
She sends back a heart emoji and a picture of a book that she found on my shelf. I don’t even know where it came from. It must have been Molly’s.
I don’t realize how tight my chest is with each text until the damn three dots appear. And it doesn’t ease until her text comes through.
She’s stillin my cabin when I get home.
She’s not wearing any makeup because it’s next door and she’s still wearing my t-shirt. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a knot she clearly gave up on halfway through.
I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.
She doesn’t speak at first, just walks straight to me and puts her hands on either side of my face. “I need you to hear me,” she says, voice shaking. “I am not scared ofhim. Not anymore. I am not running again. But Iamscared of what happens if I stay… and you pull away from me again. I can’t—I can’t handle that, Gruene.”
I won’t. I can’t.
My breath catches. “Blakelyn?—”
She stops me by shaking her head. “Let me finish. I know you’re scared,” she pushes on. “I know what you’ve been through. You can’t shut down every time something hard happens, anymore. You can’t push me away. You can’t love me like I’m precious, and then, leave in the middle of the night because you freak out. I’m not something fragile you’re not allowed to keep—I’m here, Gruene. I want to stay. But if you can’t be in this… here, now… with me,tell me now.I can’t do this alone.”
It guts me… every word.
I did this to her.
I loved her with my body but never let her know that she also owns my heart.
I pulled her in, and then, I pushed her away.
I let her think she was a warm body that I just filled. But she’s not.
She’s more. So much more.
I am scared. I’m not sure I deserve her… deserve this… but I’m here and I’m staying here.
With her.
I cup her wrists, rubbing over her pulse with my thumbs. “I’m not pulling away, Blakelyn. I’m here and I’m staying here. I’m just trying to figure out how to hold something again without breaking it. ”
Her expression softens and she smiles at me, “But what if I’m already broken, Gruene?”
“Then maybe… we don’t try tofixeach other,” I whisper. “Maybe we justholdeach other through it.”
She nods and tears fill her eyes, falling again.
Leaning in, I kiss her. Slow. Soft.
Like a promise Imightbe able to keep this time.
She kisses me back.
We endup on the floor. She peels my shirt off and I grab the hem of the one she’s wearing. Her arms lift and I remove it. She’s naked underneath. Our lips meet again, searching, seeking, before trailing lower. Her neck arches as I drag my tongue down it. I lightly bite the curve of her shoulder, and she moans, arching into me. I kiss, suck, and lick every inch of her while her fingers delve into my hair, over my shoulders, and down my back. When she touches my scars, I shudder.
Our lovemaking is more than it’s ever been. It’s not just skin and need. It’s anacheonly the other can soothe.
Fisting my hair, she pulls me up her body. Her lips close over mine like she’s trying to memorize me.
My hands slide over her breasts and down her sides like I’m afraid she’ll disappear.
She breaks the kiss and whispers, “I want you, Gruene. All of you.” Her voice is barely audible, but it hits me like a blow to the chest.
And something inside me ignites… not in a dangerous way, in the kind of way that saysshe’s realandI’m realandthis moment matters more than air.
