Page 34 of Twisted Secrets
Despite everything, he let himself poke at her a little. “Just okay?”
“I’m saying yes, Cillian. Take it or leave it.”
He grinned. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m going to take you in every way that counts.”
***
Olivia paced through her room, staring at the piles of clothes she’d already tried and thrown to the side. She didn’t do this. She didn’t get nervous and twitchy and worry about what she’d wear on a date.
How would you know? You’ve never been on a date in your life.
She was really starting to hate that little voice inside her. The feel-good emotions from her last encounter with Cillian had worn off sometime around when she rolled into bed last night, and now all she had to focus on was all the things that could go wrong. What if he got into some kind of turf war while they were having dinner? What if they went out and then ended up staring at each other awkwardly over the entirety of a meal? What if Sergei showed up?
Sergei.
The tank top she held dropped from nerveless fingers. She hadn’t heard from either him or Dmitri in nearly a week, and the end result was that she was constantly looking over her shoulder and jumping at shadows. It was only a matter of time before he showed up, and with her luck it would be when she was actually on the verge of moving on. The thought of Sergei and Cillian sharing the same space made her sickto her stomach.
“That’s it. I’m calling the whole thing off. I knew this was a mistake, and I was right.”
Hadley chose that moment to toddle into the room, wiping sleep from her eyes. She’d passed out on the couch in the middle ofFinding Nemoan hour ago—long enough for Olivia to sneak a shower and lose her mind over nerves. She smiled. “Hey, baby girl.”
“Mama.” Hadley lifted her arms to be picked up, and Olivia was only too happy to comply.
Just holding her daughter settled something inside her. “It’s us against the world. Nothing else matters.” Not her ex, and not Cillian. “I’m going to cancel.” That was the only choice. She’d been right to reconsider this the first time, and if she didn’t go pathetically weak in the knees whenever he got too close, she would have stuck to her guns.
I’ll just have to make sure we aren’t alone again. Easy.
The sound of the front door opening had her peering out into the living room. Mrs. Richards slipped into her apartment, her arms filled with a wire grocery basket. “Hello, hello. Where’s my Hadley?”
Hadley squealed and shimmied to be let down. Olivia set her back on her feet with a laugh and watched her daughter hustle over to the older woman. The way Mrs. Richards’s face lit up warmed her heart. She’d told Olivia back when they first met that she didn’t have any grandchildren of her own, though she’d always wanted a few to spoil. She was the kind of grandmother Olivia’s mother wasn’t capable of being—wasn’t even interested in being. The woman had never evenmetHadley. Even knowing what kind of person she was, Olivia had still managed to be surprised that her mother was so damn cold. Spending time with Mrs. Richards filled a void she’d barely beenaware had existed.
If we have to run again, we’ll lose this.She’lllose this.Life had been so much easier when she didn’t have close ties or anyone to worry about but herself and Hadley. The knowledge that their absence hurt Mrs. Richards—that leaving the older woman behind would hurt both Olivia and Hadley, too—might make her hesitate when she needed to act.Damn it.
Mrs. Richards frowned at her. “Why aren’t you dressed? I thought you said you’re meeting him at six.” She glanced at the ancient watch on her wrist. “If you don’t hurry, you’re going to be late.”
“I don’t think I’m going.”
She frowned harder. “Olivia, you’ve lived in this apartment for six months, and the only time I’ve ever watched this little bundle of joy is when you’re working. It’s not healthy. You’re only twenty-four years old, hardly the over-the-hill old woman you act like. You need to take time for you.”
How was she supposed to do that when she had to work as many hours as possible to keep them afloat? Not to mention she didn’t exactly have a stellar track record of picking people to care about. It made it hard to put herself out there and meet new people. Cillian was a perfect example. The first man she’d been attracted to in longer than she wanted to think about, and he was an O’Malley. She was batting a thousand when it came to her hormones getting the best of her.
She leaned against the doorjamb. “This guy is nothing but trouble. Just like my ex.”
I don’t want that life for myself and Hadley. We gotout. We’re not getting sucked back in.
“If he was, you never would have given him the time of day.” Mrs. Richards set her basket down in thetiny kitchen and crossed over to take her hands. “I know it’s hard to put yourself out there, especially when someone has been burned as badly as you have. But if you never take that first step, you’re going to end up closing yourself off for good.”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” At least then she could stay out of trouble that came with a penis attached. From the very beginning, there hadn’t been a single man—family or otherwise—who was willing to put her first. She’d thought she’d found that with Sergei, but it had all been a lie. When she needed him most, when she was pregnant and terrified and Andrei was diagnosed with cancer and trying to find peace by forcing a father-daughter relationship with her, Sergei had chosen the Romanovs over her.
After that, she’d realized that she couldn’t rely on anyone but herself—especially now that Hadley was in the picture.
Mrs. Richards shook her head. “Take it from an old woman who’s seen too much of life pass her by—it’s too shortnotto take a leap of faith every once in a while. This man lit something up inside you. Maybe it’ll develop into something, maybe it won’t. But it’s guaranteed to wither and die if you don’t give it a chance.”
She tried to picture it—never seeing Cillian again. Never having him walk into Jameson’s and give her that grin that made her toes curl. Never getting to know exactly what it was that put those shadows into his dark eyes. Never getting to kiss him again, never letting him sink between her thighs, never being able to follow through on the rough promise of his words and actions.
It made her stomach ache like she’d lost something valuable. It didn’t make any sense. She barely knew the man—it shouldn’t matter if he dropped off theface of the earth.
Olivia sighed. “One date. That’s it.”
