Page 45 of Save the Last Dance
“What?” she asked. “It’s probably some giant taboo for single people to talk about kids—” She paused. Straightened. “You really don’t want to have a family, do you?”
“I’ve always been honest about that.” He’d felt the same since he was a teen. It was a decision he’d never questioned, not even when Jenny had begged him to.
“I remember.” She bit her lip. “I guess I thought you’d change your mind. Plenty of teenage guys think they’ll never want to have children.”
“I discussed it with Jenny before we married and she said she didn’t want kids, either. But she changed her mind two years after the wedding. It became a sticking point for her.” He wanted to keep the explanation simple. Uncomplicated. “I just know what I went through as a kid—what all my siblings went through—dealing with my mother. I don’t want to give any child of mine the same experience.”
He kept rowing, focusing on the rhythmic sound of the oars knifing down into the water and pushing them across the pond.
“Medicines are much better now, you know,” Nina offered quietly, tipping her head back to the sun. “Plus, maybe you’d parent for it better considering you’d be aware of what to look for.”
“I’ve spent too many years already watching for the next mood swing.” Waiting for the next emotional crisis. “Besides, just because I know what to look for doesn’t mean other people in the kid’s life would.”
“Ally probably inherited some issues, though. And look at what a bright, high-achieving kid she is.” Nina pointed to a fish jumping out of the water.
“That’s true. But she’s also so stressed she’s hurting herself, Nina. That’s serious.”
Mack lifted the oars out of the water and let the rowboat drift as they reached the center of the pond. Nina watched him with a steady gaze, the sun finding all the lightest shades in her hair and bringing out a few freckles along her nose. He dreamed about her at night and woke up wanting her. It was becoming tougher and tougher to see her around town and not act on that.
For a moment, he wondered what this reunion mighthave been like if he was just a regular guy who shared her dreams of a family. Was there a chance they might have picked up where they left off?
“I know plenty of people live happy lives without children, so I won’t say that you should change your mind,” she said quietly. “I’m just questioning your reasons. As a kid, I always envied your family, so the Finleys must have done something right.”
“Scott and my father worked hard to keep things together.” He didn’t elaborate. Didn’t feel like sharing the details of all the weeks his mother had shut herself in a room and wouldn’t come out, or else talked for hours without pause, hardly sleeping. He had distance now. Perspective. And his mother’s issues weren’t the kind of genetic gift he was willing to pass along. The subject was closed in his book, and he’d been up front about that with Nina.
She sighed, apparently realizing the same thing.
“I got a registered letter from my runaway partner.” She propped her elbows on her knees and leaning closer. “She apologized and said she’s returning the funds she took from the business account.”
Mack’s brain scrambled to compute what that meant for her. For him.
“Does that change your plans to stay in Heartache?”
“No.” She shifted her feet closer to his to escape a trail of water that had dripped off the oars. “I need to be here.”
Eight years ago, he would have given anything to hear her say those words. Now, he knew it wouldn’t matter for them. Whether she was here or in New York, she’d always want more from him than he would be able to give. Still, he didn’t want her to suppress her dreams the way she’d suppressed her spirit.
“What about your business?” They were far enoughfrom the shore that they couldn’t be overheard, but he still kept an eye on the fairgrounds as trucks pulled in with more hay bales for the straw maze. “You’ve just been given the break you need to really make it a success. Won’t you always wonder if you could have turned it around?”
She frowned and he could see the doubt in her eyes. “Not if I start a new business here.”
He fought the urge to tip her head up and cradle her chin in his hand. To make her listen to reason. “Nina, I listened to the dreams you had about moving to New York and making your mark on the city from the time you showed up in this town.” First, she was going to be a ballerina. Then a Rockette. Later, a chef. But she’d always dreamed big. “I know you’re worried about your grandmother, but she could go to New York with you.”
“So for my own sake, I pack her up and move her away from the only home she’s ever known?” She spread her arms wide in exasperation and the whole boat wobbled. “Mack, she asked me specifically to help her stay in her house since my dad is talking about sending her to assisted living. If I uproot her now to live with me a thousand miles away, how am I any better than him?”
Seeing how worried she was shredded his last defense. Normally, she was so sure of herself. He didn’t stand a chance of keeping his hands off her when she needed comfort. To hell with keeping an eye on the fairgrounds.
“Because she’d be with you instead of with strangers.” He reached for her, his hand landing on her denim-clad knee. “Come on, Nina. You know it’s different than your dad shuffling her off just so he can sell the house.”
Nina’s parents had earned no respect from him in the few times he’d meet them. First, because they’d broken their proud daughter’s heart a little more every year that they allbut ignored her existence. Second, because their selfishness extended to Daisy Spencer, who deserved a whole lot better.
“I can’t do that to Gram.” Nina shook her head and wiped the back of her hand along her eyes even though he hadn’t glimpsed even a hint of a tear. “She gave me a home and a family when I needed one more than anything. I’m not going to take that home away from her.”
Hearing the resolution in her voice, he realized he wasn’t going to change her mind. Nina Spencer was coming home even if it meant letting some of her old dreams die.
“Come here.” Mack found himself tugging her closer. “By me.”
He needed to hold her and it wasn’t just for his own sake, damn it. He could see what this decision had cost her. When he pulled her by the hand, she shifted positions so that she was sharing the bench seat with him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her close, bringing her vanilla scent near enough to inhale. She laid her head on his shoulder and it felt like…his dreams.
