Page 90 of Beautifully Damned
I can’t hold it in. “The cow!” I wail.
Roman freezes. “What cow? Some woman in the Bratva? Tell me who.”
I sniffle. “No,” I mumble, handing the brush back to Elena. She sighs before ripping it through my hair again.
“See?” she huffs. “Clean. Again.”
Roman crouches in front of me, his size blotting out the room. “What happened?”
My chin wobbles. “I was shadowing the vet, he was checking on a sick cow. It sneezed. Mucus. Everywhere. On my hair, my face, my clothes.” I gag at the memory. “Roman, it was—”
His face goes blank for one long beat. Then he throws his head back and laughs.
“It’s not funny!” I screech, shoving at his chest.
He pulls me against him anyway, pressing a kiss against my temple. “You’re right, angel. Not funny. I’m sorry.”
I shove my face into his neck, and Elena quietly leaves us alone.
It’s been a year of this—navigating the new life that binds us. Being his wife. Trying to stitch the two halves of myself together. The Ayla who wanted to heal animals and the Ayla who married the Pakhan. I thought I could balance them both, but some days the scales tilt, and I lose my footing. I applied to the nearest vet school a couple months ago, refusing Roman’s connections, and under the condition of prerequisite courses, I got accepted. It isn’t all easy, though—the university is around an hour and a half away, and I return back exhausted. But it’s worth it.
“This is what I get for actually focusing and standing too close to the cow doctor.” I pout.
Roman’s hand rubs circles into my back. Since I came back to him, he has given me everything. More than I ever asked for. He cooks for me. He checks my homework when I fall asleep on the table even though he doesn’t understand it half of the time. He still rules, but he no longer gives every waking second of himself to the Bratva. He gives those seconds to me instead.
He pulls back just enough to search my face. “Did you get your period?”
We had the scare not long ago. I tried to go on birth control, but the side effects were too much, so we use condoms now. It isn’t the suitable time for a child, not until I finish vet school at least. I nod. “Yeah. Came this morning.”
I watch his eyes shift, see the tug-of-war there. Relief. Disappointment.
“Why do you look like that?”
His arms lock tighter around me before he admits, “I don’t know.”
Silence folds over us, until he finally speaks again. “I thought maybe… I don’t know. Maybe I wanted it. A little version of you running around here. A little us.”
My thumb strokes the stubble on his cheek. “We have time. We’re not even trying.”
His jaw tightens. “I’m scared.”
“Scared of diapers?” I try to lighten the mood.
“I’m scared I won’t be able to love them.”
“Roman…” I trail off.
“I never knew how to love anyone before you. What if I can’t do it with them? What if I ruin them before they even have a chance?”
I press my hand to his heart. “You love me.” My voice shakes, but I hold steady. “You love me, Roman. And that means you can love them.”
His lips brush my palm. “Only because you taught me. Only because you stayed.”
I know, without doubt, that he will love our children when the time comes. Because he loves me in a way that makes him human. He will always be the dark to my light. My protector, my family, my home. In him, I found not just love, but the part of myself I never knew was missing. And in me, he found the one thing he never thought he deserved. Together, we are whole.
