Page 66 of Beautifully Damned
?Chapter XLII?
Ayla
There’s blood on my hands.
Roman’s blood.
I stabbedmy husband. The knife had been under my mattress for weeks, stolen from Elena’s kitchen when she wasn’t looking. She must have seen it every time she changed the sheets, but she never snitched or took it away.
I didn’t think I would use it. But today I did. His hands on me felt warm. But every touch reminded me that he took my virginity and then burned the ground out from under me. No one wants to feel that small. That pathetic.
Now I see what life with Roman Volkov has made of me. I used to shrink from raised voices, curl into myself when tempers flared. Now I’m a woman who can drive a blade into flesh without a second thought. I am not the same girl.And that terrifies me.
If I stay, I’ll become something I swore I’d never be. Cold. Brutal. Inhuman. I’ve seen what living in this world does to people. It rots them from the inside until they mistake cruelty for strength. I can’t let that happen to me.
Running with Emir isn’t the answer. That would paint a target on his back, and I care for him, but not in the way he wants. He’s the closest thing I have to a brother. I won’t risk him to save myself.
I need to get out. Alone.
I strip out of my dress and heels, trading them for sneakers and loose clothes. There’s nothing I own worth taking. Thephone Roman allows me is a leash, nothing more. It stays behind.
The house is silent. Elena goes to bed early, so I’m not worried about running into her. The guard outside is slumped in his chair, head lolling to the side. I hate myself for what’s going to happen to him when Roman learns I’m gone.
But I can’t stay here and watch myself turn into something I don’t recognize. I’ll sell every piece of jewelry on my body if I have to. I’ll sell the clothes off my back. I’ll beg, barter, or crawl my way onto a plane. Anything to put distance between me and this house.
I nudge the sleeping guard’s shoulder accidently, and my heart stops. His eyes snap open, confusion written all over his face. He doesn’t have time to stop me before I take off into the dark. He’s still sleepy and groggy, and he’s much bigger than me. Making me faster. Branches whip my arms. My legs pump so hard my heels slap against me. For fifteen minutes, all I hear is the drum of my footsteps and the ragged sound of my breathing.
Then reality slams into me.
There is nothing but trees. The woods stretch on in every direction, endless and black. It could take days to find a road on foot. The rush that carried me this far drains away, leaving me with the cold ache of fear.
I can’t see more than a few steps ahead. My shoulder catches a trunk. My palms scrape bark. Roman’s blood is still wet on my skin, now mingled with my own.
And I am lost.
I didn’t run because it was smart. I ran because I was in shock. Because my hands were still wet with his blood and my chest was full of noise. I didn’t plan a single step.
The woods are a maze I can’t solve. My feet tear over the same roots, the same jagged rock stares back at me, and the sametwisted trunk leans into my path as if mocking me. Am I going in circles? I keep moving, but it feels as if the trees are closing in, swallowing me whole.
I turn, thinking I can retrace my steps. But I have no idea which way leads back to Roman’s house. My stubbornness feels hollow now, nothing but a weapon I used against myself.
Then the barking comes. Not one. Several. The sound grows louder until it’s in my bones. The shadows split, and shapes rush toward me. Fur. Teeth. My knees go weak. I press my back into the nearest tree, willing myself to disappear. I don’t move, or talk, or even breathe.
It doesn’t matter. Because a second later they’re on me. Snapping jaws tear at fabric, skin, anything they can reach. My arms cover my head, and pain explodes across my body. My vision starts to dim, edges fraying into black. The pain dulls, replaced by a strange quiet.
Roman’s face floods my mind.
Will he search for me?
Will he feel the weight of it if I don’t come back?
Will he finally admit what he feels for me?
Do I still love him?
Yes.
Will I forgive him if I survive?
