Page 94 of What If I Hate You
Corrigan
But wait… be honest. Was it like a one-time slip-up or a "this man owns my soul and my uterus now" situation?
Me
He asked me to help him pick out throw pillows the next day. I think I love him.
Marlee
RIP Blakely Rivers. Death by dick and home decor.
Scarlett
Can I put “He made me squirt and now we co-own throw pillows” on a T-shirt?
Corrigan
LOL @ Scarlett! YAAAS! I would wear the fuck out of that shirt!
Layken
You guys. What if we’re all just one good orgasm away from being furniture shopping soulmates?
Ella
I’d squirt too if I got to make out with Barrett Cunningham and THEN choose the aesthetic of my shared space.
Corrigan
Anyway. We expect full play-by-play next brunch. Don’t skimp, or we’ll make you sit on a donut pillow and explain why.
BARRETT
Oliver changed the group chat name to The Clean Sheet Club (but not really)
Oliver
Okay. What the hell is going on? Scarlett just told Blakely she started stretching again because apparently I’ve “been underperforming in the splash zone.”
Oliver
To be clear, I have NEVER underperformed. But fuck you very much for raising the damn bar, Teddy Bear! Scarlett won’t shut up about “trying it with the pillow under my hips” now.
August
Ella looked me dead in the eyes this morning and said, “If Bear can do it, you can too.” BRO. THAT WAS OVER COFFEE. I FUCKING CHOKED.
Griffin
Layken pulled out a whiteboard last night. An actual fucking whiteboard. With STRATEGIES.
Bodhi
Corrigan said she won’t consider our sex life “complete” until she needs to change the mattress protector. Where am I supposed to learn how to do that?
Ledger
Marlee started googling waterproof blankets. We haven’t even made out this week and now I feel like I’m in performance review mode.
