Page 42 of What If I Hate You
Am I the only one who thinks maybe Bear finally got laid?
Ledger
Impossible. There would have been property damage. Coach would have called a meeting.
Harrison
Not ruling it out. His hands are shaking and he keeps flexing them like he’s reliving some kind of traumatic flashback.
August
I mean, what if he’s just constipated?
Me
What if you guys fucked all the way off?
Bodhi
Gasp! He’s ALIVE!
Griffin
I’m not saying Bear’s been compromised, but he hasn’t insulted anyone’s mother in at least forty-five minutes.
Ledger
Only explanation is sex. Or a small stroke.
Bodhi
What if it was both at the same time. Like, Rivers gave him a rage-boner so intense it short-circuited his brain.
August
That would explain the thousand-yard stare. And the excessive hand flexing.
Oliver
Look, Team, we’re all missing the real question. Did Rivers survive the encounter, or is she just wearing his skin as a disguise?
There’s a brief pause, during which I contemplate hurling my phone into the beverage cart. The next volley is a gif from Bodhi: a bear in a tutu pirouetting across a pond.
Bodhi
Live footage of Bear trying to impress a girl.
August
I’m crying!
Oliver
Come on Teddy bear! We’re here for you. Spill the tea. We’re thirsty.
Me
No.
