Page 43 of Flagrant Foul
He cuts me off with a big, heavy hand that burns like a brand. It’s on my neck. On the side of my neck, but it cuts my air off all the same. He slides it back until he has the back of my skull in the palm of his hand. I drop my head back, though I’m not sure I mean to do it, letting him bear the weight of me, as I wait.
He’s close.
So close.
Closer still.
He leans in and lets his lips dust my left cheek, briefly, and then my right, still briefly, but a little less so.
I’m on fire, paralyzed from the neck down.
His eyes are hooded, gaze intense and cast downward as he watches my lips. He’s breathing through his mouth. There’s a split-second pause—long enough for every synapse in my body to fire, but not long enough for me to do or say anything—before he presses his lips to mine again.
Quick and sweet like before.
Fleshy and warm.
A soft stamp with the heat and burn of a bite.
There one second, gone the next.
22
Sev Delorean
“Hey,handsome,lookalive!”
An apple comes hurtling through the air toward me. I catch it and throw it back to Teddy. He catches it and throws it to me. We make our way around the kitchen island in a counterclockwise direction as we play what is essentially a game of glorified catch between me and a guy I had no business kissing all over the face last night.
It should be awkward between us today, but it isn’t.
It shouldn’t be this satisfying being an idiot with him.
It shouldn’t make me smile this big.
It’s stupid and silly, and childish as hell. The thing is, it makes Teddy so happy that I can’t stop. He looks lighter than he has in a long time. Carefree and young. It makes him smile like he did before people were mean to him. Lips pulled back so hard there’s a pink stripe of gum visible above his teeth. I love seeing him happy. I love it more than I should. I love it so much that it kills mebecause seeing him like this reminds me that when he’s not, I’m to blame.
At times like this, when he’s so happy he laughs without having a reason, it’s hard for my longing not to crystallize and turn into anger. Betrayal. Hurt. Or whatever it is you’re supposed to feel when your best friend, someone you love more than you love yourself, is the reason you can’t have the thing you want most.
23
Sev Delorean
Then
Iworeawhitebutton-down shirt to meet Nate. A white one with a fine gray stripe. The fabric of the shirt was scratchy and new. A little too store-pressed to allow for the type of comfort I usually sought. I had it tucked in initially, but I couldn’t quite make the leap from my usual look to wannabe youth pastor, so I untucked most of it and rolled up the sleeves, leaving only a bit in the front tucked in.
Despite the shirt, I had a skip in my step as I walked. A little extra bounce, courtesy of the bubble of hope that filled my lungs. I knew I’d done the right thing stopping Teddy that night at the club. Any asshole could see that. He was drunk. There was no doubt about it. If anything had happened that night, it would’ve been a clear-cut case of me taking advantage of him.
Last night in the O’Reilly’s backyard was different. He was stone-cold sober.
Time had passed since I’d run into Teddy in New York. Months. Almost a year. He’d been to college. He was playing good hockey. He’d turned nineteen, and he’d lived a little. He was still young, obviously, but there’s a big difference between being eighteen and nineteen. Don’t ask me why, there just is.
I took a left onto Main Street and crossed the road. Mo’s Diner was open. The red and white striped awnings looked cheerful and inviting. It was so early that the sidewalk was still wet from being hosed down.
I was on my way to ask for permission, and I knew it. There was a slight flurry in my chest that went with that, but honestly, no part of me thought that permission wouldn’t be granted. Not even the smallest, most self-loathing part of me thought that. I thought it was a formality. The right thing to do. A nod to the bro code. A necessary check in a box.
I got to Mo’s Diner before Nate did and ordered a large plate of fries, a double-thick chocolate milkshake for him, and a Pepsi for myself. The food and drinks arrived a couple of minutes after he did.
