Page 15 of Flagrant Foul
“I mean, you can’t just go around kicking the shit out of people.”
He raised his can to his lips and tilted his head back, pouring the last of his drink into his mouth.
“Yes, I can,” he murmured so quietly I couldn’t tell if he was talking to himself or making a joke for my benefit. “Besides, I can’t help it. I get real mad when people touch you.”
I laughed riotously at that. Loudly and long. In part, I laughed from abject relief because I truly believed that after what had happened, Seth and his asshole friends wouldn’t bother me again. And I laughed because my fourteen-year-old naïveté allowed me to think something magical was happening between us. Something new. Something that made my spine tingle.
Sev’s body was a wall of solid muscle beside me. It bore my weight as though it were inconsequential. As though I were weightless and not a burden to him at all. His face was so close to mine that I could make out the rings of coffee brown around his pupils that were usually undetectable. His smile was unfamiliar. Sheepish and unsure. A corner of his top lip attached to a canine and got stuck there.
Fool that I was, I thought we were dancing. I thought there was music and lights. I thought we were moving together. A subtle give and take set to a nice little melody.
I thought he could hear it too.
I was flirting, and I thought he was flirting back.
As soon as the thought arrived in my mind and became conscious, I shook it off. It was ridiculous. I’d given myself a lecture about this hundreds of times by then. Probably more. I’d probably lectured myself on the matter a thousand times. Sometimes I did it two or three times before breakfast.
It was very simple: Sev was like Nate. He liked girls.
It was sad, but it was one of those things. I knew firsthand how impossible it was to choose who you were attracted to. Or how impossible it was to change it. My infatuation with Sev was pointless, embarrassing, and doomed.
Youhaveto stop liking Sev,I told myself in no uncertain terms.He’s Nate’s friend, and he thinks of you as nothing more than a kid brother. He likes girls, and you need to get that through your head. You need to start liking a boy who likes boys to distract yourself. That’s what you need to do. Neil’s nice. Jason is nice. Jude is really nice, but he's obsessed with Romeo. Still, just choose one of them and make yourself like him. It’s that simple. If you like a boy who likes boys, at least there’s a fighting chance he’ll like you back.
“Tee,” Sev said quietly. “When you’re ready, you should tell Nathan you’re gay. He’ll be cool. You’ll see.”
It brought my internal ramblings to a crashing halt and doused me in a stark reality. I was going to have to tell people. Fuck. I’d had so much other shit going on and had spent so much time thinking about how to hide my sexuality from others that I hadn’t given a second thought to the fact that, eventually, I’d have to tell people. Voluntarily.
The realization made me start crying again.
“No, no, Tee,” Sev said, pulling me close. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Nate will be fine. You’ll see.”
“I know he’ll probably be fine.” I sniffed. “But what if he’s not? What happens then?”
“He will be.”
“You don’t know that,” I wailed. “No oneknowsthings like that. Everyone thinks they do, but they don’t. Not really.”
“I do know it.”
The way he said it was absolute. So certain it sounded as though it were based in fact, not opinion. I was about to tell him he couldn’t predict Nate’s response, no matter how well he knew him, when something in his eyes stopped me. “I know because he was totally cool when I told him I’m bi.”
8
Teddy “T-Dog” O’Reilly
Themoodinthelocker room is rowdy. The lights are bright and raucous laughter bounces off the walls and crashes into macho bravado. I’m lagging a little because I let a goal I should have stopped through in the first period. Fucking Lex Turner, Edmonton’s right wing. He feigned left and I fell for it. I’ve seen him do it in slo-mo in post-game videos a bunch of times. It’s his thing. I should’ve known he’d do it.
“You couldn’t have stopped that goal, Tee,” says Bryce. “No one could.” I could have, and I hate being placated, but I know Bryce comes from a good place, so I shrug and smile as I continue pulling my pads off. “Besides, a win is a win!”
A couple of guys holler, and someone yells, “Fuck yeah, it is!”
My head is down, so I don’t see who said it. It wasn’t Sev. I know his voice well enough to know it without looking up, though it’s definitely something the dumbed-down version of him wouldn’t hesitate to say with enthusiasm. He’s on the bench opposite me, a couple of places to my left. His eyes are on me, concern warming one side of my face and amplifying the worst parts of my mood.
At times like this, it takes everything I have not to scream, “Stop being concerned about me and fuck me!”
“What are you looking at?” I hiss instead.
“You,” he replies calmly.
