Page 48 of The Legend Next Door
And there it is.
The most terrifying, horrifying, worst question I’ve ever been asked. When I hear it, I almost recognize it. It’s like I’ve been expecting it on some level, the way animals often have a sixth sense about their own death drawing near.
“Yes,” I say in a hurry as shame and shock intercept my ability to lie.
I work my gaze up Ben’s chest, pausing at the hollow at the base of his throat and treating myself to a long, gluttonous look at his Adam’s apple. I know I shouldn’t do it. It’s not good for me, but I do it anyway, in case this is the last time I’m this close to him. His Adam’s apple is like the rest of him. Heartbreakingly beautiful. Masculine and strong with a barely there trace of vulnerability. I lose my footing when our eyes meet, stumbling and falling, tumbling headfirst into twin moonlit pools.
It’s warm where I am. Safe and still, though it’s clear I can’t breathe here. I’m underwater. Drowning. I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t make myself leave because I’m with Ben. My ability to lie has yet to be restored, so I tell the truth. “I do. B-but only because I can’t help it.”
Luca comes barreling out onto the porch as the words leave my mouth. I’ve never been more relieved to see someone in all my life. He’s saved me from myself, and he’s saved poor Ben from me too.
“Luca!” I gasp, hugging him as tightly as I can. “Hi, buddy, how are you? Where have you been?”
Before he can reply, Ben asks, “Did you eat your breakfast?”
Luca has a hand on his hip and a tilt to his head that gives me the impression a battle of wills has occurred on the property this morning. “Yes, but I still don’t think it’s fair that I can’t have pancakes. It feels like Saturday today.”
“I understand that,” says Ben. Luca’s mouth moves as though he has more to say. Ben quietens him with a quick flick of his eyes. “I’m proud of you for eating your eggs, and I’d like us both to move on now. We’ve talked about pancakes as much as I’m willing to talk about them for one day.”
His tone is kind but steady and absolute. So deep and authoritative that my entire spinal cord goes lax and starts to vibrate. I swear to God, I don’t know how Luca is still standing upright. If Ben ever spoke to me like that, I wouldn’t argue. I wouldn’t dare. I’d dissolve into a puddle of goo and do whatever he told me to do.
I’d do whatever he told me.
Whateverhe told me.
Ben wraps a big hand around Luca’s shoulder and Luca smiles despite himself. “Now, don’t you have some news for Jeremiah?”
“It’s notsomenews, Daddy. It’s thebiggestnews ever!” All thoughts of breakfast food skirmishes dissipate, and Luca’s eyes sparkle so intensely that, for a second, I worry Ben’s planning to move them both back to Tampa. That’s the only news I think would be big enough to warrant this level of enthusiasm.
Thankfully, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be six.
Luca peels his lips back as hard as he can and says, “Look!” through a broad, square grimace.
I’m faced with two rows of tiny white teeth. Neat little lines that look like Tic Tacs that have been cut in half and squished together. I’m aware a strong reaction is required of me, but I have no idea what I’m reacting to, which makes it hard to know if this is a celebration or a commiseration.
Ben understands my quandary and saves me from it. He cups Luca’s face gently and uses a single giant finger to point out a tooth that’s slightly out of alignment. Ben moves his finger gently and the tooth moves microscopically with it.
“No. Way!” I cry. The topic of wiggly teeth has come up more than once during our conversations through the fence. Luca has gone so far as to tell me the names of all his friends in Tampa who have already lost teeth, and he’s provided me with a helpful count of how many teeth his older cousin, Cam, has lost so far. Seven, in case you’re wondering. According to Luca, Cam’s case is very interesting, as the first tooth he lost was a top tooth. The rest of Luca’s friends lost their bottom teeth first. I crank my enthusiasm up to what I hope is an appropriate level. “A wiggly tooth!?You have a wiggly tooth? Wow, I can’t believe it.”
“It’s my first one,” he says proudly. “I only noticed it last night at bedtime, but look, I can already do this.” He uses the tip of his tongue to attempt to push the tooth forward. It barely budges.
Ben and I both slump back in pretend amazement.
Despite the horrors of our earlier conversation, as I sit there on the swing with Ben, listening to Luca chatter about teeth and tooth fairies and turning seven and the merits of starting school with a gappy smile, it occurs to me that I’m happier than I can ever remember being.
What makes it worse is that I’m not just happy.
I’m home.
28
DearLiz,
Toldyouhewas flirting with me.
I love you and I miss you.
Love,
