Page 49 of Viper
“Depression is hard, it can suck you in,” he admits, “and she is in deep. She’s malnourished, the OB did a scan, and while the baby is on the small side for twenty weeks, she’s thankfully healthy. Lake admitted to only managing to eat for her, but she never has an appetite.”
I swallow hard and look at my girl again before the doctor continues, “I explained she’s going to be on suicide watch for seventy two hours and that I’m recommending her for a three week program two hours out of Santa Monica where if need be, they can add time on. But, with it being voluntary, she’s refusing.”
“What?!” Randy demands in shock, and I look back at Lake again, my mouth parted.
“She claims she didn’t mean to cut so deep, that she wasn’t committing suicide and said she’ll take a few weeks off work to recuperate,” he admits, and I look his way as he sighs, “She’s also admitted to seeking out an adoption agency.”
I step back in shock, my body trembling, and Blade quickly grips my arm to keep me up.
No, surely she doesn’t want to… I look her way again, my eyes wide, seeing hers on her stomach.
Fuck me, what have I done?
Chapter 18
Lake
I stare out of the hospital window, my hand gently moving up and down my stomach as the baby moves while the men talk about me near the door.
Guilt is eating away at me.
I didn’t mean to cut that deep, I really didn’t.
Cherri’s voice was echoing in my head, her nasty words. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so when I got home, I thought if I just climbed in the shower and let the water run down on me, then my thoughts would be silenced, but they didn’t. After going so long without doing it, I succumbed to the need. I broke my razor and got the blade, but my body was shaking, I was sobbing, the thought of Viper being with her and Kitty, it destroyed me, and I, well, I slipped and cut too deep on one side…
The second wrist was intentional, but only because the deeper the cut, the more my mind silenced.
According to the doctor who just tried to convince me to go to therapy, myhusbandfound me, and I’m lucky to be alive.
My husband.
I look up from my stomach and look at Viper, no, not Viper, my Jaylen, who lied to ensure he could stay with me when I was brought in.
I have so many regrets, the biggest being not fighting for him, not making him understand he was being a jackass, and that I loved him. Now, he probably hates me and thinks I tried to trap him, but I didn’t, and I’m not like Cherri.
That guy from two months ago, I was completely out of my mind, so I barely remember it. I only recall the feeling of disgust afterwards. I haven’t slept with anyone else, not wanting to, like she probably would have, and I’m also giving my child up to a family that is far away from here. She won’t have a label placed on her as soon as she’s born, like I did.
She’ll live a life full of happiness, especially if I’m not involved.
I don’t know how to be a mother, and as you can see, I’m already messing up, and she isn’t even here yet. I’m not eating right, and I’m a cutter. She deserves more than that.
I look over his features, the dress shirt and slacks suiting him, even with his cut over it.
I miss him so much…
I sniffle and look down as the doctor shakes his hand before I hear, “Give me ten minutes,” and then his footstep sounds echo in the quiet room, along with the beeping.
A body sits on my bed, a warm tattooed hand grabbing mine, and without looking up, I clutch it tight, letting his strength run through me before he gently runs his other hand over my stomach, our daughter moving underneath his palm.
Guess she knows who her daddy is…
I could give her to him.
I blink, no, that’s a stupid idea putting her right in the middle of the club that put the label on me before I was even born.
“You’re refusing rehab,” he whispers after a few minutes of silence, and I swallow hard.
I lie and murmur, “I don’t need it,” not looking at him, not wanting to see the disappointment in his hazel eyes that I love so much.
