Page 37 of Viper
I squeeze my eyes tight, my head spinning from all the drinks, my eyes tearing and I quickly grab my jeans and panties, pulling them up while trying to keep my balance as the room spins.
I quickly do my jeans up, then rush to the ladies' room, shoving past some woman who gasps, “Hey, watch it,” but I ignore her before throwing up in the sink, my stomach tightening with each heave.
I feel dirty, tainted.
Why did I do that, why?
I heave some more, all the booze I just drank coming back up as my body shakes before I slowly stand and look in the mirror.
My eyes are bloodshot, bags lining underneath them, my whole body trembles, and the drunkenness I felt is completely gone. Instead, regret is hitting me hard, the need to sob pulling me.
I need to get to the pharmacy. I know he was wearing a condom, but I can’t be too careful, I need to get the morning after pill, I need to, to…
Oh god.
A sob retches from my throat, tearing out of me full of pain and disgust, the urge to call Viper hitting me hard, to beg for forgiveness, to beg not to leave me.
But he had already left me, accusing me of things I didn’t do.
He doesn’t even love me, it was all a lie, a man I gave my body to.
I hear chatter outside the ladies' room, and I take deep breaths before gingerly, stumbling over to the door before someone comes in and sees the mess I’ve just made trying to control the trembling.
Pharmacy, I need the pharmacy.
***
“Hi, I uh, I need the morning after pill,” I whisper an hour later, looking at the older woman with gray hair, who frowns.
I couldn’t go to my local pharmacy, not without risking rumors to spread, everyone knowing who my dad is. I couldn’t drive two towns over to the only one that would still be open in my state, so I had to wait for my Uber outside of the dive bar, my mind spinning with what I had just done, my body feeling dirty.
I want to scrub my body, preferably with bleach, but I can’t, I need to get this pill first, then I can climb back into my Uber and do what I need to…
“Okay,” the woman says cautiously, and I tense when she admits, “I uh, I’m anti-abortion, so if you could just tell me when your last period was, please.”
Wait what?
I blink, then blink again, trying to understand what she just asked.
Surely she doesn’t have the right to hold what I need from me?
“I, I’m not sure, but I’m not pregnant so just give me the pill please,” I stutter with a slight slur and the woman winces then denies, “I’m sorry but I can’t, you’ve clearly been drinking which, if you are pregnant is not wise. If you come back tomorrow morning sober and with a negative test,” she bends and grabs something before placing a long box on the counter, “then I’ll give you what you need.”
She pushes the box towards me and I look at it for a moment seeing it is a pregnancy test, trying to figure out when I did have my last period before I slowly pick it up. Without looking at the woman I walk out of the shop knowing there is no point in arguing with her when I am still slightly drunk and I climb back into my uber, not able to put two and two together.
Three hours later, I’m completely sober, staring at the test on my coffee table, the plus sign clear as day.
I finally remembered that my last period was a week before Viper made love to me at the meadows. He used a condom, but I know they don’t always work.
I’m pregnant, at least three months along.
My bottom lip wobbles.
I just drank over half a bottle of sambuca, I just allowed some man, a stranger, to use my body from behind in a drunken revenge.
I just tried to take the morning-after pill.
My body trembles and sobs rip from my throat, pain tearing through me, and I stand at the same time as I grip my table, then flip it, causing the glass I had on it to fly across the room, shattering, but I ignore it as I scream and fall to my hands and knees, sobbing.
