Page 51 of The Academy
Charley cackles. “You agreed because now you get to be at home alone with Joey, which is disgusting, but at least I don’t have to bear witness to it. That you would bring himherewhen you know how I feel about him only proves that you’re the worst mother in the world.”
The worst mother in the world.Fran realizes it’s almost a rite of passage to be called this by your teenage daughter, but it guts her nonetheless.
She casts around for their server. As she predicted, they’ve been summarily ignored. They don’t even have menus. “Let’s just enjoy our dinner,” she says.
Fran makes it back to the hotel room long before Joey. She wakes up briefly when he staggers in reeking of alcohol and falls like a tree onto the other side of the bed. He had a far more festive night than she did, good for him.
A buzzing punctuates Fran’s dreams and when she gets up to use the bathroom, she sees the buzzing is coming from Joey’s phone. Who is texting him in the middle of the night?
She almost checks, but she isn’t that kind of wife. As she sits on the toilet, she remembers that Dispatch is playing at the Power Plant back in Baltimore tonight. His buddies are probably texting to let him know what a great time he is missing. He could have stayed home like Fran suggested—but instead he’s here in the wilds of northwest Massachusetts in a Hampton Inn, sleeping next to the worst mother in the world.
Jesse Eastman, Father of Andrew
When Jesse’s plane lands in New York from Tokyo, he wakes up and reads Audre’s email to the parents—standard stuff—then her personal email to just him. They raised 246,000 dollars in donations over the weekend and a lovely time was had by all.
Nothing but good vibes,Audre wrote.
Jesse responds:Happy to hear it. Thank you, Audre.
Now, 246 grand is nothing to sneeze at, though Audre is no doubt aware this isn’t enough to run a school on. Tiffin would probably shut down were it not for Jesse’s deep, deep pockets.
Jesse texts his son:How was Family Weekend?
There’s no response. Jesse noticed a large withdrawal from East’s trust—thirty grand—but East was given full control over his accounts when he turned eighteen, so Jesse can’t interfere, and he’s not going to ask because, honestly, he doesn’t want to know.
Nothing but good vibes,Jesse thinks. Which must mean that East is behaving himself.
Dear Tiffin Families:
Thank you for participating in the most successful Family Weekend in our academy’s long history
Audre stares at the blinking cursor. What makes a Family Weekend successful? They did hit an all-time fundraising high, but it feels mercenary to equate success with the money flowing into Tiffin’s coffers. Was it a success because both the field hockey and football teams won? (Losing to the Colbert School was essentially impossible.) Was it a success because the mental health symposium led by Chaplain Laura Rae had only three parents in attendance (meaning, Audre assumed, that the other parents felt confident about their child’s overall happiness)? Was it a success because everyone raved about the steak dinner? (Really,Audre thought,Chef deserves a bonus.) Was it a success because Rhode Rivera and Simone Bergeron hosted an open classroom on Saturday morning, explaining how they were (finally) updating the curriculum? Was it a success because, thanks to Jesse Eastman’s absence, Audre was allowed to shine and take credit for all the positive things happening on campus?
Talk about egotistical! Audre laughs at her own hubris just as Cordelia Spooner walks by her open office door.
“Cordelia!” Audre calls out. Cordelia pokes her head in. She was an enormous help this weekend, essentially serving as AssistantHead. Cordelia also deserves a bonus and Audre considers buying her a gift certificate to the spa in Haydensboro. “Do you think it’s hyperbole to say it was the best Family Weekend in the school’s history?”
Cordelia had a fabulous weekend as second-in-command; she tried to keep the power from going to her head, then thought,Why bother?She had been at the school a long time, she knew where the bodies were buried, it was time she got her flowers. Honey, on the other hand, had barely survived; the Tuckermans were like gum on her shoe.
“It went very smoothly,” Cordelia says.
“Should we send out a survey?” Audre says. “Ask the parents what they enjoyed, what could be skipped or enhanced?”
Cordelia raises an eyebrow. “Do we really want to know what the parents think?”
Audre sighs. “We do not,” she says.
November
11. Zip Zap
The Zip Zap appTiffin Academy editionis now available for free download.
Audre receives another email from Douglas Worth in his role as chairperson of ISNEC.
WTF?she thinks. She can’t deal with the inquiry intoAmerica Today.Are the other Heads really wasting their time with this nonsense? Wouldn’t it make more sense for them to put their energies into their respective schools so that their own rankings might rise?
But then Audre notes the subject line:A new pandemic.What’s this?Audre thinks. Did she miss something in the news this morning? She groans inwardly, recalling the year of lockdown across campus. The masks, the social distancing, the incessant testing and quarantining, the parents who came out as staunchly anti-vax. Those were the days before Chef Haz arrived. They all ate boxed meals of cheese sandwiches and Campbell’s tomato soup for the better part of a year. Roy Ewanick, one of the math teachers, got sick and Audre feared they were going to lose him.
