Page 49 of Winter Solstice
Jennifer says, “About a year before I met you? While Paddy was in jail? I became addicted to pills. Ativan and oxycodone.”
Leanne gasps, “Oh, Jennifer!”
Here comes the judgment,Jennifer thinks. Leanne won’t want to go to barre class or get coffee anymore. She won’t want to be friends anymore. When people ask who decorated her house, she’ll say, “A former pill junkie named Jennifer Quinn.”
Leanne grabs Jennifer’s hand. “I feel honored that you’ve shared this with me. It must have been a difficult time for you.”
Jennifer lets a few tears fall into her latte. “It was,” Jennifer says. She blots her face with a napkin and thinks:Of course Leanne knows exactly what to say and how to react.“You don’t think I’m a horrible person?”
“Oh, sweetie,” Leanne says. “How could I ever think that?”
Jennifer proceeds to tell her the rest of the story: How she met with Grayson Coker, how he hit on her, how she quit. How Paddy is struggling to get his hedge fund up and running, how both he and Jennifer were depending on the penthouse project for money. How Jennifer has been approached to host a show on SinTV.
Here Leanne shrieks like a fangirl. “SinTV!”
“But I’d have to reveal myself as a former addict,” Jennifer says.
“Do it,” Leanne says. “You have to do it.”
“I’m not sure that I can,” Jennifer says.
“Why not?” Leanne says. “This is your big chance. So you tell the world you’re a recovering addict. People will care for five minutes, then they’ll forget. And the people who care longer than five minutes are those who are either recovering addicts themselves or who have addicts in their family—and to those people you’ll be an inspiration. A beacon of hope.”
“You think?” Jennifer says.
“You need to choose bravery over shame,” Leanne says. “Humility over pride. Otherwise, you’re hiding in the shadows. You think substance abuse doesn’t affect the affluent? The sophisticated? That addicts don’t live in Beacon Hill or Back Bay?” Leanne leans in. “It affects everyone.” She digs into her yogurt parfait. “I, for one, would be behind you a hundred and ten percent. And I can tell you without equivocation that Derek will be behind you as well. What does Patrick say?”
Jennifer raises her eyebrows.
“You haven’ttoldhim?” Leanne says.
Jennifer picks a raisin out of her bran muffin. She shakes her head.
“Go home now,” Leanne says. She helps Jennifer wrap her muffin and secure the top to her latte. “Go home and tell him, and then call me later so I can hear about how wonderful he was.”
Patrick is in his office, of course, running through the close of Friday’s markets on the computer. The two younger boys are in the den playing Minecraft, and Barrett is at the Celtics game with his friend Saylor and Saylor’s father, Gregory. Gregory is in AA—he’s very open about this—and Jennifer doesn’t think less of him for it, does she? No. She doesn’t worry about Barrett when he’s in Gregory’s care. Why would she? Getting help is a sign of strength, of wisdom.
Jennifer closes the door to the office. “I need you to shut down the computer,” she says to Patrick. “I have something to tell you.”
I quit the penthouse project.
What? Why? Why on earth did you do that?
It wasn’t working out.
Wasn’t working out? For Pete’s sake, Jen!
Grayson Coker hit on me. He tried to kiss me. He was inappropriate with his hands.
What?
So I walked out. And I quit.
[Deep breath.]
When was this?
A few weeks ago.
