Page 124 of Play Me
Astrid clears her throat. Gianna and I both turn to her despite the tension rippling off both of us. I halfway worry about turning my back on Gianna because if she stuck a knife in my back, I wouldn’t be surprised. And, in some sick way, I might even respect her for it. At least one of us was standing up for Astrid tonight.
“He’s already here,” Astrid says, resigned. “I’ll talk to him.”
Gianna pushes the door closed, letting it slam on the hinges. She points at me as she walks to the guest room. “I’m not kidding. I’ll slice your throat and swim in your blood if you make her cry again. Don’t believe me? Try me. I know people.”
“Thank you, Gianna,” Astrid says, her voice raspy. But there’s a glimmer of a smile that gives me hope.
“Keep this energy for people who are a real threat,” I call after Gianna.
She flips me off. “Tread lightly, asshole.” Then she’s gone, disappearing around the corner.
I waste no time pulling Astrid into my arms, pressing kisses to the top of her head.God, I’ve missed her. It’s only been one day, and yet being here feels like … I’m home.She’s rigid at first with her hands planted on my chest like she might push me away, but she gives in slowly and collapses against me.
Her back shakes and I can hear faint, muffled cries. The sound slices through me like an icepick to the heart. I don’t know how to make it better—just that I must. It’s my responsibility, and not just because I caused this.
Because she’s my girl.
“Hey,” I say, pulling back and taking her face in my hands, wiping tears away with my thumbs. “Are you okay?”
The look in her eye isn’t the one I’m used to these days. It’s sad but guarded … like she doesn’t trust me.
“I have trust issues. I guess that’s probably the crux of it. Every time I’m in a relationship, I have to defend myself.”
“Astrid, sweetheart, listen to me,” I plead. “I handled this all wrong. You should’ve never been in this position, and that’s my fault. But, I swear to you, it’s not like you think.”
“You let me walk into a situation and have to question everything I believed in about you—just like everyone else has done to me,” she says, her bottom lip quivering. “No note, no conversation—well, there was a note. Unfortunately, not to me.” She fake laughs before it turns into a whimper.
I want to kiss her pain away. I want to take over the conversation and make her hear me. But that’s not what she needs.She needs to be heard. She needs to know that I value what she has to say, and that her feelings matter to me. I can’t just wash them under the rug and make this about me … like everyone else has done before me.
“Your groceries were hot on your doorstep,” she says, knocking away a strand of hair stuck to the tears on her cheek. “What am I supposed to think? Where were you today that was so important that you couldn’t tell me? That you lied to me?”
I take her by the hand and lead her into her bedroom. I shut the door softly, then sit next to her on the edge of the mattress. She keeps space between us, and I don’t infringe on that. If she needs space, I’ll give it to her. I’ll give her anything she wants.She already has my heart in her hands. Everything else is a moot point.
“I flew to Denver,” I say carefully.
“Why?”
I take a deep breath, reminding myself to go slow. I can’t just skip over the details because I don’t think they matter. They matter to Astrid.
“Look, I know you saw a letter in my apartment, and that letter must have been really confusing,” I say. “I’m here to answer whatever questions you want to ask me. About anything. I’m an open book.”For the first time in forever.
A solitary tear streams down her cheek. “This has to do with Caroline, doesn’t it? The woman whose picture you got so angry about when I picked it up, that I quit my job.”
“Yes. This has to do with Caroline.”
She stares at the wall, sniffling. “What happened to her? And why were you paying for Liza to be in a hospital?” She faces me, her eyes red. “That’s why the bonus money was so important to you, wasn’t it?”
I nod.
“This is so confusing, Gray. I’ve sat with this all day, trying to put pieces of a puzzle together that I don’t have the box for. I don’t have any foundation for this. I can’t make sense of it because I don’t know who these people are, and you left me here thinking the worst.” She swallows. “That letter was horrifying. It was heartbreaking, not just for Liza, but for you. When I thought about you reading that and how that must’ve felt, I just wanted to hold you and help you, because that couldn’t have been easy. And then to realize that you didn’t even bother to tell me anything …” She smiles sadly. “It felt like you had a connection with these other people and I had to take a back seat. Like you were just playing me.”
She’s right. Of course, she’s right. That had to be how she interpreted it because it’s the logical solution.
I run a hand over my head, and try to focus. I can beat myself up about this later. Now’s not the time.
“Astrid, I get why you thought that,” I say, dropping my hands to my sides. “And the fact that you didn’t just rage and, instead, worried about me and Liza while you dealt with your own pain says so much about you, and why you’re the best person I’ve ever known.”
Her shoulders slack and it takes everything I can muster not to pull her into me.
