Page 48 of Play Me
To my surprise, she stays beside me as I head away from Stupey’s.
I take a moment to reconfigure what I want to say to her, because she’s flipped the script on me. Now I don’t know how to express the things I want to say and achieve the results I need. I’m also not totally sure what results I’m after, either.
Her words echo through my head, tugging on my brain.“I just need one little thing to go right, and the more men I allow into my life, the more things get fucked up. And I just. Need. A. Fucking. Break.”
What’s that supposed to mean?
The row of buildings comes to an end. An offshoot of the sidewalk leads into a large green space filled with blooming southern magnolia trees, and their lemony scent reminds me oflong days at the ranch, hiding in the tree lines from Dad so I wouldn’t have to help with chores.
I reach out and take a flower as we move by, feeling the glossy petals and fuzzy undersides against my fingers. I’m not sure how to break the ice with Astrid, and I’m afraid that the wrong approach will not just break the ice but also shatter my chances of fixing this situation. And I have to find a solution.I have to.
“I’m not heartless,” she says after we’ve walked a fair way down the path. When I glance over my shoulder at her, she’s staring straight ahead. But at least she’s regained her composure. “And I’m not a total bitch, either.”
That’s a curious start, but it’s a step forward.
“Well, I try my hardest …” I take a deep breath.If I’m really trying to make headway here, I gotta be honest.“No, that’s a lie. I haven’t tried very hard not to be a dick. I haven’t tried at all, really.”
“I’m glad to hear that because if you had, you’d be a complete failure.”
I consider her words as we turn around and head back toward the restaurant. I play them repeatedly, trying to locate the part tickling the back of my brain. She thinks I’m an asshole, which isn’t unexpected. Or a surprising revelation. And she wants me to know she’s not a bitch.
But why is it important to her for me to know that?
I spy her out of the corner of my eye. When she doesn’t think I’m watching, she almost looks like another person. Her lips are soft and parted instead of being pressed together. She moves more gently, less restrained. Her lashes appear longer, and her body is softened. The armor is gone, and a feminine vulnerability takes its place.
It’s the first time I’ve seen her as a woman and not a wench. And that fucks with me.
“Fine,” she says as the shield locks in again. “I’ll admit that I haven’t necessarily been the easiest to work with either.”
“Look at you. You admitted it, and you’re still alive.”
She glares at me, making me laugh.
I pause beneath the magnolia trees and wait for her to stop, too. She takes a few steps before she halts, slowly turning to me. Stupey’s isn’t far ahead and, once we reach there, my chance will be over.Negotiate, Adler. That’s what’s needed here.
Compromise. My least favorite word.
Astrid studies me from just out of arm’s reach, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. This is a habit of hers that I haven’t thought much about until now. Is she trying to protect herself with this posture? Is she making herself smaller?I lick my bottom lip, trying to slow the questions storming through my brain.
She’s so …defensive.She’s too defensive for this to be solely about me.
“I’m tired of fighting with you,” she says evenly. “I can’t do it right now, which is probably what I was trying to communicate to Renn. Battling with you is too much on top of everything else.” She frowns. “You aren’t my biggest problem anymore, if that tells you anything.”
I quirk a brow but don’t comment. If I don’t speak, I can’t fuck this up … and I think we might be going in the right direction. But I don’t want to get my hopes up yet.
“If we can set some ground rules, wemightbe able to make this work,” she says carefully.
Easy, Adler. Go easy.I offer her the flower in my hand. She eyes it with suspicion before relenting. Her fingers take it from mine without touching me.
“But first,” she says, bringing the flower to her nose, “what’s in this for you?”
I shove a hand in my pocket and kick a rock down the sidewalk. “Honestly? I lost my bonus, and the only way to get it back is to getyouback.”
“Right. I see.”
She drops the flower to her side. Her expression is blank, and I can’t quite decipher that. I also can’t spend time thinking about it.
“Either way, I owe you an apology,” I say earnestly. “I guess needing the cash is the vehicle to do that. Otherwise …” I take a deep breath and set my pride aside for just a second. “I’m not sure I would’ve bothered.”
