Page 16 of Play Me
“There’s no rush,” Kim says.
“I’m probably getting the salmon,” Audrey says. She closes her menu seconds after opening it. “Yeah, I’m boring. I’ll take the salmon for the fourth time in a row.”
Kim laughs. “You’re lucky that’s a menu staple.”
I scan the offerings, ruling out everything with peanuts. “I love the pad Thai, just not a possible trip to the emergency room after.”
The only item this week that looks totally safe is the lemon chicken with rice. And while my reactions are thankfully mild to most triggers, I don’t feel like living on the wild side tonight. I’d like to start the new week without hives or swollen lips.
Especially considering what the upcoming week will bring.
My stomach twists into a tight knot at the thought of Gray Adler. He’s taken up more of my mental real estate than I care toadmit since he walked out of Renn’s office yesterday. Thinking of him immediately puts me in a bad mood, and I promised myself I wouldn’t think about him tonight. So I push the bastard out of my head and focus on ordering.
“Lemon chicken with rice, please,” I say.
“Ooh, I’ll have that, too. I loved that the last time you ordered it.” Gianna takes our menus and hands them to Kim. “Thank you.”
“Thankyou. I’ll put this order in. Let me know if you need anything else,” Kim says before walking away.
“How’s the urinal?” I ask Gianna as soon as Kim is out of earshot.
“Urinal?” Audrey asks. “Do I even want to know?”
Gianna rolls her eyes. “I bought a?—”
“Used,” I interject.
“Urinal—”
“From a guy on Social,” I add.
Gianna gives me a look. “For an art project. And it’s great, thanks for asking.”
Audrey and I exchange a grin. While this might be the grossest thing our friend has purchased, it’s not the weirdest. Gianna once bought a box of old, used lottery tickets to use as wallpaper for bird houses. She keeps things interesting.
“You guys are never going to guess the question we had come in for my segmentJust Between Friends,” Gianna says, steepling her fingers in front of her like a villain. “The stuff we get in every week for this column isbatshit crazy, you guys. I don’t know why it draws in the kind of questions it does, but it never fails to entertain. Sometimes, though, we get one that’s just …” Her eyes go wide, and she flinches. “It’s wild out there, folks.”
“What was the question?” I ask.
She leans forward. “This guy wrote in and said that he wants to slather his cock in avocado and bang his girlfriend. But he’s worried she’ll think he’s weird and that she might get an infection.”
“Oh my God,” I say, covering my mouth with my hand.
“That’s so gross.” Audrey looks slightly horrified.
“Food play is a total thing.” Gianna giggles at Audrey’s reaction. “You have so much to learn, Auddie.”
Audrey reaches for her drink, an Arnold Palmer, and takes a long sip.
These discussions always freak her out a little. Audrey has only ever had two boyfriends and no hookups in her twenty-seven years. She’s a good girl, a rule follower—a PhD in philosophy. I’m not sure if she’s ever uttered a curse word in her life. She’s had sex, but I’m sure she’s never hadgood sex. From what I can tell, missionary is the limit of her experience. And while there’s nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to sexual experience, she’s self-conscious about it.
“Are you going to respond to Mr. Avocado?” I ask.
“Hell, no.” Gianna laughs. “I feel like I’d have to have a therapist and gynecologist weigh in, and I don’t want to have those discussions.”
“I get that, but I’m kind of curious,” I say, grinning. “I think avocados have both antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties. While I’m not saying I’d be inclined to let a guy make guacamole in bed?—”
“Stop it,” Audrey says.
