I sit on the edge of the bed as a heaviness settles in my chest. I’m not egotistical enough to believe this is anything more than her having a good time. I’m forty years old, for fuck’s sake. My job takes over much of my life. I’m not the kind of person who someone with their whole life in front of them chooses to spend more than a few weeks—a few months with, at best.
I’m Gannon Reid Brewer, after all.
My phone vibrates on the bed. When I see her name on the screen, my entire body exhales.
Carys: Okay, I went shopping today and bought three dresses. I need to pick one and take the other two back. But, since I don’t really know where we’re going, I don’t know which one to choose. Pictures incoming. Pick one.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Three pictures load in quick succession.
My jaw hangs open as I swipe through them.
The first dress is black, but that’s not what I see. I notice how her eyes sparkle as she poses in front of the mirror to snap the image. The second dress is green, but her smile is more genuine. The third dress is a deep purple. She stands taller in this snapshot, her shoulders back and her chin lifted. She exudes confidence and beauty—like a woman who feels good in what she’s wearing.
I smile as I type out my response.
Me: You’re beautiful.
Carys:
Me: I love them all. But I pick the purple one.
Carys: Yay! That’s the one I was going to pick, too. But the black one is a little classier, I think, and the green one is more playful. I wasn’t sure what to do.
Me: Keep them all.
Carys: I can’t. I’ll never wear them and it’s irresponsible financially.
Can she not tell me shit like that?Because it makes me like her even more, and that’s dangerous.
I shake my head, feeling myself slipping closer to feelings I don’t want to have. I’d offer to buy the dresses for her, but I know she’ll fight me and the last thing I want to do is make her feel inferior—especially over something as stupid as money.
Me: I’ll text you when I’m on my way to get you tomorrow evening. My flight’s delayed, but I’ll keep you informed as the day goes on.
Carys: Sounds good. I can’t wait.
Me either.
Carys: What are you going to do for the rest of the night?
Me: I’m going to find some food. I haven’t eaten since breakfast and it was a long, draining day.
Carys: Want me to send you something?
I laugh.
Carys: I’m serious. I’m great at ordering food online. It’s a hidden talent.
Me: I can feed myself but thank you.
Carys: I know you can. But sometimes it’s nice to have someone make the easy decisions for you. You’ve had a long day. It would make me feel good to order you dinner.
I stare at the screen with a lump nestled in my throat.
Me: That’s very sweet of you, but I got it.
Carys: Okay. Sweet dreams, Gannon. I’ll see you tomorrow in the purple dress.