Page 114 of Between Now and Forever
“No. But I’m not above it.”
“How are your boys doing, Gabby?” Scottie asks. “Are they getting settled in at school and everything?”
We all take a seat around the table and begin making our plates.
“Carter loves it,” I say, taking a small turkey sandwich from the tray. “He has three birthday party invitations next week. His popularity is starting to get expensive.”
Everyone laughs.
“Dylan is ...” I scoop a bit of potato salad next to my fork. “Dylan is doing okay. His grades are very mediocre. He’s not enthused to go to school in the morning. But I must admit that I haven’t gotten a call from the principal in over a week, so that’s a plus.”
“What on earth could he do to warrant a call every week?” Della asks.
“Oh, having gum in class when you’re not supposed to. Not having your computer charged. Not having a writing utensil. Throwing anapple across the lunchroom to see if you can make a basket but hitting a kid in the side of the head instead.”
“Ouch,” Scottie says.
I sigh. “There’s a list. And at some point, they stop just handing out detentions and call the parent every time. I suppose they think we’ll get tired of hearing it and will do something about it. But I try. I ground him. Take his phone. Have long talks until I’m out of breath.” I shrug. “I don’t know what else I can do.”
Della holds a forkful of potatoes in front of her mouth. “If a week has passed since the last call, maybe he’s starting to pull himself together.”
“Let’s hope.”
Despite Dylan’s attitude toward Jay, he hasn’t been nicer since Jay left. I thought he’d be relieved, that he might even gloat in his perceived victory. But nothing has shifted. If anything, Dylan seems more upset. More withdrawn. Sadder. I even found Carter in Dylan’s room, sitting on his bed and talking to him, this morning. If that’s where we are, it might be worse than I thought.
There are times I feel like I’m failing on all fronts with that boy. This is one of them.
The conversation shifts to Taylor from Betty Lou’s. She won a beauty pageant at the state level, representing Alden as Miss Coal Festival. My friends brainstorm ways they can donate to the fundraiser to help her attend the national contest. I smile and nod when necessary or prompted. I try to engage myself in what they’re saying. But my mind keeps fading back to my neighbor.
My heart pulls, and I wish I could find him and tell him we’ll figure it out. I wish I could turn back time and erase our fight from existence. But neither is an option. I’m left with only one.
Try to forget the man next door.
And hope I get my heart back.
After all, it’s not the first time I’ve lost it, so I know I can do it again.
Eventually.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
JAY
Maybe I need to consider Alaska, after all,” I say to the empty house.
I sit on the edge of my bed with a load of despair weighing me down. I’ve done the unthinkable for more than two fucking weeks. For seventeen days, I have come home late and left early—completely making myself unavailable to Gabrielle and Carter. There’s no worry that Dylan will try to talk to me.
But even as the wordAlaskacomes out of my mouth, I know it’s another impossibility.
I still feel a deep connection to Gabrielle.
If I weren’t absolutely certain that my presence in their lives would create a fissure between them, I would be pounding on the door and pleading my case.I’d fight for them.I would tell Gabrielle I’m sorry for walking away and telling her we would never work out. I’d apologize to the boys for giving up on them so easily when they deserve a man on their side—not to replace Christopher, but to help them navigate their lives. I would explain that I allowed my past failures and wounds to show up in the worst of times—and they didn’t deserve that.
But maybe I don’t deserve them either.
“How am I going to do this?” I ask, standing up and meandering around the dark house. “I can’t keep living like this. But I can’t stand in the shadows, stare at their house at night, and try to send my love to Gabrielle telepathically.”
I’m a damn fool.
