Page 100 of Between Now and Forever
“Jay is your boyfriend?” Carter says, his jaw falling to the floor. “So cool!”
“—and you’re happily forgetting that our dad just died. And you moved us from our home, where Dad is, and now you’re trying to throw a pathetic replacement on us,” Dylan says, his voice rising.
“You’re my mom’s boyfriend?” Carter asks Jay.
I don’t dare to even look across the table at Jay. I can imagine what he must be thinking. Knowing his soft spot for situations involving single mothers and kids, I bet he’s ready to get up and bolt for the door.
And I can’t blame him. A part of me would like to join him.
“Do you want to talk outside, man to man?” Jay asks, his tone steady. “I’d be happy to do that.”
“No, I don’t want to talk to you,” Dylan says, scooting his chair back. It squeaks across the floor. “I don’t even want you here.”
“Well, guess what. It’s not your choice,” I say, less cool than Jay. I’m racked with guilt, and logic, humiliation, and determination not to let my son ruin something good. “I’m not trying to replace your father, Dylan. But I am trying to live my life.”
“Do you even care about us? Or are you leaving us behind too?”
“Why are you being so mean, Dyl?” Carter asks.
My eyes fill with tears.
I don’t want to have this conversation in front of Jay. And I hate that we’re having it to begin with. I have avoided this for the last year, but this is what I need. I’m desperate for a life that’s mine—a reason to get up that’sfor me.
The last couple of weeks have been the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Despite the mom guilt that comes along with every choice I make as a parent, I know, down deep, there’s nothing wrong with moving on.
“Do I even care about you? I love you and your brother more than the entire universe,” I say, the tears flowing down my cheeks. “But it’s time we start trying to move on, Dylan.”
“Are you serious?” he snaps back.
“Yes. It’s what your father would want,” I say.
“Convenient that you can speak for him since he’s not here to defend himself. What do you even know about what he would want? He divorced you.”
“He was my best friend for many years, Dylan. I knew him better than anyone, and the last thing I’deverwant to do is disrespect his memory. I’m not getting into our divorce because that’s none of your business. But your father and I loved each other, and I know he’d kick my ass if he knew I was letting you and Carter—and me, for that matter—sit around and stop living.” I wipe my face with a napkin. “You can believe that or not. But it’s the truth.”
“I choose not.”
Dylan stands and storms out of the kitchen, leaving the three of us sitting in his wake.
“He’s big mad,” Carter says. “Like, big,bigmad.”
I need a moment to gather myself. But all I feel is Jay’s and Carter’s eyes on me.
Jay. He saw and heard all that. Damn it.
I look across the table. He smiles softly at me.
“Hey, Carter,” he says. “Does your mom ever let you eat in your room?”
“Sometimes. Not very often.”
“Does that sound like fun?” Jay asks.
“Yeah. Duh. I can play my game and eat my burger.”
I nod, then look at my plate.
“Why don’t you go ahead and eat up there tonight?” Jay says. “I’ll take it up with your mom.”
