Page 112 of The Arrangement
He hangs his head. “Or not.” He sighs and looks up again, a broken man in a broken body.Pathetic. Weak. Imprisoned. “Of all my children, you were the brightest, Jason. You shined above them all. Hell, you didn’t ever need me. You taught yourself to tie your shoes, ride a bike, and drive a car. You could’ve done anything you wanted and chose what made you happy.” He leans forward. “You’re a leader. You’re strong. You’re smart and a protector. And I know if there’s any way for me to ever make peace with any of you, I’ll have to go through you first.”
“You’re damn right. And you won’t. You don’t get access to them.”
We eye one another in a strange standoff. It’s hard to see any glimpses of the man I once knew, and to some degree, that helps. But, in others, it’s harder. It’s akin to a death. While we’re all better off for that, it still comes with a heaviness that makes it hard to think.
“That’s fair,” he says quietly. “Thank you for taking care of them. Because I know as I sit here rotting away, deservedly, you’re taking care of our family.”
“My family.”
He grins sadly. “I know they’ll be okay because they have you. And even though you hate me, rightfully so, I wanted to look you in the eye and tell you how much I respect you, kid. I’ve fucked all the way up. And you slid into my spot and became the man I never was.”
What?It takes me a minute to process what he’s saying. Or to try to, anyway. I’m going to need time to sort this shit out in my head.
“I’m going to sign the plea deal,” he says. “And my attorney will settle the rest of the disputes, and I’ll admit my responsibility. You have nothing to worry about, son.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. Do you want me to say thank you for doing the right thing? Because that’s funny.”
“I pray for you every night.”
“Don’t have my name in your mouth to God or anyone.” I glare at him. “Maybe He believes in second chances, but I do not.”
He balks. “That’s pretty harsh, isn’t it?”
I laugh, shoving my chair back. It screams as it claws against the floor. “I learned from the best.” Then I turn to leave.
“Jason!”
I glance over my shoulder to see tears flowing in rivers down his cheeks. I can’t even find it in me to care. I hate that. I hate that I don’t have the heart to see through his transgressions and find it in me to love him still.
But I don’t.
“I love you, Jase,” he says, his eyes red. “I’m sorry for all of this. It doesn’t fix it. Nothing can. But maybe you can have a little satisfaction that I’m dying inside.”
“Yeah. You’re right.” I smile at him for the last time. “I do.”
I turn away before he calls out again. The guards get me signed out and released from the prison quickly.
The rain pours from the sky in buckets, and the water sloshes in my shoes again. I splash through the puddles to my car and ignore the burn in my chest.
I get inside and don’t start the car. My attention goes first to Chloe. I grab my phone from the passenger’s seat and call her right away.
My heart pounds as it rings. She’s breathless when she answers.
“Jason,” she says. “I’ve been waiting for you to call. Are you okay?”
I sink against the seat, water dripping from my hair onto my shoulders. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, letting the soft whisps of her breaths settle my soul. “Thank you for encouraging me to come here.”
“Did it go okay?”
“It went as best as it could, I guess.”
She hesitates. “Jason, I’m sorry about earlier in the parking lot. I had all of these thoughts running in my head and I?—”
“I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”
“But I need to talk to you.”
“And I need to talk to you, too. But this isn’t the way to do it, Chloe.”
