Page 103 of Pulse
“How are you feeling?” he asks me.
“Just like you’d expect, only with pain meds.”
He nods, exhaling roughly. “Well, this isn’t how I thought we’d have this conversation someday. And it’s not the exact conversation I thought we’d have, either.”
“Wanna take a walk?” I ask.
He smiles. “I’d love to.”
We stroll through the neighborhood in silence. I don’t know what to say, and basic pleasantries feel wrong. We pass three houses before he speaks.
“I’m getting a divorce,” he says.
“Wow. Strong lead.”
He chuckles. “I believe Alexis didn’t know that Freddy would go after you. Maybe she did. I’m not defending her. She’s certainly not innocent. She was having an affair with your boyfriend, of all people. And she made it very clear, both to others and to me last night when I confronted her about it, that she has major problems that I have a daughter.”
“I hate that. I want to apologize, but I didn’t ask to be born, you know?”
“I don’t want you to apologize. You’re the best thing that ever came from me.”
My gaze falls to the ground.
“I knew she didn’t love me when I married her,” he continues. “I’m not that self-absorbed to know that a woman like Alexis generally doesn’t fall in love with a man like me.”
“Did you love her?”
He shakes his head and shrugs. “No. I cared about her, yes. But I didn’t love her.”
“Then why did you marry her, if you don’t mind me asking?”
He kicks a rock into the gutter. “I didn’t get married to Alexis because I always hoped your mother would have a change of heart. I’m not blaming her for what happened. I was as adamant, maybe more, that you weren’t raised in the same world I grew up in. But a part of me secretly hoped that magic would happen and there would be a chance for us to be together.” He looks at me and smiles. “She was the great love of my life.”
I can’t stop the tears. I don’t even try.
“She was alone her entire life, and I think it was because she wanted to be with you,” I say. “It hurts me so much to know she died without ever feeling loved. You know?”
“Life is unfair. It can be so ugly and painful. Our love, Penelope’s and mine, was impossible. But the thing that would make both of us happy, and I do feel I can take the liberty to speak for her about this, is to see you find love. To see you happy.”
I sniffle, wiping my nose with the end of my shirt.
“I could’ve overlooked Alexis’s unfaithfulness,” he says. “I can overlook a lot. But she asked me to pick between you, and I picked you.”
My gaze snaps to his.
“I hope that we can have a father-daughter relationship someday. I want to be a part of your life, and I want you to be a part of mine. I want to know what kind of card to get you for your birthday and have a stocking in my house with your name on it. You’ll have kids that I want to know and love … if you’ll allow me the privilege.”
We stop and face each other, and I look at him differently. For the first time, I see a man who could be my dad, and not just my father.
“I’d like that a lot, too.”
“Great.”
We walk around the block, talking about all sorts of things—our first cars, my job, what he sees in the future for Dallo Metalworks. I found a way to ask him if he had cancer, like Freddy said. It turns out that Freddy was full of shit. Turns out that Freddywasresponsible for everything done to me. And it sickens me to know that. It wasn’t a prank though. He was truly a sick, twisted bastard.
Our conversation flows easily, naturally, and by the time we return to my house, I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.
Troy is standing on the porch, waiting for me. “Our helpers just left to get brunch.”
