Page 76 of This Much Is True
Oh, fuck that.
“Do you want to know what’s hilarious?” I pace the floor. “It’s hilarious that you think that I owe you anything. You’ve taken from me in every way. Financially. Emotionally. You’ve stolen my energy and almost worked me to death. You’ve depleted me in every way so you can get ahead in life. This happens to people every day, and most people aren’t in a position to do something about it.But I am. Kick rocks, asshole.”
“You realize that your business was built by me, right?”
“How? Because without me,there is no business.Iwrite the music.Irecord the songs.Isell the albums, and I sell out the stadiums and sell the merch. Somybusiness was built by me. Whatever you’ve taken from me—”
“Taken from you? How dare you insinuate that I’ve taken anything from you!”
I laugh in his ear.Don’t mind if I do. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out about the bonus you paid yourself at the end of the first quarter? Five million is a little excessive, don’t you think? I called accounting this morning and am having a forensic audit performed by a third party. You better hope to God you aren’t as fucked up as I think you are.”
“If you pull this stunt, you can kiss your mother and me goodbye forever.”
I wait for the tears to cloud my vision and the pinch to squeeze over the bridge of my nose. I swallow, expecting there to be a lump that makes it difficult to breathe.
But none of those things happen.Because I’m not losing anything.
“You guys already kissed me goodbye a long time ago,” I say, shrugging. “And I don’t know if you intentionally tried to push anyone that might love me away, or if it’s a strange coincidence. But you almost had me believing that the best I could do was a man like Tom.Almost.”
“I see.I see. You have someone in your ear, filling it with garbage. That’s what this is, isn’t it?”
“You are so wrong.” I grin. “It should hurt a lot more than it does to have this conversation. And the fact that it doesn’t speaks volumes.”
I lean against the cabinet and look at the barn.
Luke was right last night about so much.
“I would never hurt you. Not on purpose. And every decision I made was to save you pain. Do you think boarding the flight home from Cleveland was easy without you? It was one of the worst days of my life. But I did it. I broke my heart because I believed it would save yours.”
That’s love.
My mother can’t even visit me during the holiday season. Heck, I’m lucky to get a call. She hasn’t reached out once to see if I’m okay.What kind of motherly love is that?
My father thinks it’s okay to betray me multiple times over the past seven years by the sound of it. According to him, he made me and built my company, and I’m just an ungrateful little bitch.
That’s not love. I’ve seen what it looks like, and it’s not this. And I reject it.
I’m not pretending anymore. I’m not hoping for a miracle. I’m not allowing myself to be hurt so they can win.
It’s over. And I’m at peace with that. As much peace as someone can be when realizing just how much your parents don’t give a crap about you.
I expect there will be a crash later when the weight of this lands on my heart. But the beauty in it, if there is any, is that Luke will be there to cushion the fall. He’ll be there to help me stand back up.
“Dad,” I say, my voice calm. “Until you can understand how to be in my life and not poison it, until you can understand what real love looks like, you won’t be welcome around me. I’m sorry.”
“This isn’t over. I’ll see you very soon, and we can discuss this face-to-face.”
“And I’ll have you escorted out. Goodbye, Dad.”
I end the call.
My hand shakes as I set the phone down, and my palms are damp. The weight on my shoulders must’ve been five times heavier than I thought because I’m lightheaded.
And energized.
I need to find someone to spearhead Cotton’s concert. I need to prepare my Nashville house for my return early next week. I need to find a new business manager, assistant—because I know her true loyalty lies with my father, and hope to hell I don’t need a new boyfriend. Because if that’s the case and Luke doesn’t want to make this work, I’ll be alone forever.
I grab my phone again and find a number. Then I hitcall.
