Page 6 of Nothing But It All
“They took it fairly well,” I say. “Better than I expected. They were disappointed and initially had a lot of big emotions about it, but Michael calmed Maddie down, and ... it was okay. They understood.”
Somehow.
“They’re growing up,” she says. “They can’t be oblivious to what’s going on with you guys. I know you try to hide it, but you’re a terrible liar.”
“I am a terrible liar, and they are growing up. But I’m not sure they aren’t in the dark. I mean, Jack’s never here, and when he is, he’s doing his thing and I’m doing mine. We aren’t even passing ships in the night. We’re more like trains operating on different continents.”
My eyes close briefly as I fight off a wave of sickness.
I hate that this is what we’ve become—that the only way we’re happy is when we’re apart.
“So, are you just going to keep living like this?” she asks, brows pulled together.
“I don’t think Jack gives a shit if we’re married or not. Hell, he sleeps in his office at the shop half the week. The other half, he sleeps in front of the TV or in the guest room.” I shrug. “The kids are the only reason I stay with him. Mom guilt is a real thing.”
“It’s a stupid thing.”
“You’ll understand when you have kids someday.”
She gives me a look. “Why should you feel guilty?”
“It’s like ... how can I put my happiness over theirs? Doesn’t that make me a bad mom? Can’t I just wait until they’re out of high school?”
“No, you can’t. What are you teaching them? You’re telling them it’s okay to be unhappy? Would you want either of them sacrificing their happiness for someone else?”
“No.”
“Exactly.So stop with that guilt nonsense.” She pauses until she’s satisfied that her words have had time to sink in. Then she continues. “How did Jack’s dad take the news of you not going to Story Brook?”
“Also, fairly well, from what Jack told me.” I shrug. “Harvey hasn’t been feeling the greatest, so he said he was good with staying home.” My heart sinks. “I hate disappointing him, though. I love that old fart.”
Billie’s smile is lopsided.
My spirit wobbles too.
Harvey Reed and I have grown close in the twenty years that I’ve been married to his son. He says I remind him of his Myra—a woman I never had the opportunity to know. She’s where Jack gets his love of fruit and beef jerky and his predisposition to wake up looking gorgeous, if Harvey is to be believed. What did Jack inherit from his father? His ability to compartmentalize too well, if I’m to be believed.
“Does Harvey know you’re thinking about divorce?” Billie asks quietly.
Hearing her say “divorce” causes my heart to stutter.
“No,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Harvey doesn’t know anything is wrong at all. We’ve been careful to hide it. I think the kids instinctively know not to share anything with him, if theyaresuspicious that something’s amiss between me and Jack.”
“Harvey will probably take your side.”
I laugh. She’s right. He probably would.
“Forget the kid at the grocery,” I say. “If I’m getting a boy toy, I’m getting one like Harvey.”
“Old?”
“No.Someone that likes to be home, eat cherry pie, and adores me.”
“Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong,” she says. “I’ve been looking for abs, money, and no mommy issues.”
“Yeah, you need to refocus. Abs are great, but they’re no good if you never get to see them.”
“Fair.” She laughs. “Okay, besides age, dessert, and adoration, what else would Lauren’s perfect man be like?”
