Page 35 of Nothing But It All
LAUREN
Itoss my hand towel next to the sink.
The cooler Jack brought with various food items dries upside down beside the trash can. Thankfully, he had the foresight last night to visit a grocery store for at least some hamburgers and hot dogs. There’s not enough real food to last long, but we made a decent supper out of it.
A cool breeze floats through the room, reminding me that the windows are still open. I shut and latch the one over the sink before making my way into the living room to shut that one too.
Frogs croak from the small pond just beyond the tree line. Their song slips through the screen door, bringing a sense of peace with it—peace I cling to with everything I have. As it grows later and later, the calm I’ve carried with me most of the night starts to wane.
Before long, it’ll just be me and Jack.What then?
“Mom! Are you still up?” Maddie yells from the second floor.
“Yeah. What do you need?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to tell you good night and sweet dreams.”
I grin. “Want me to come tuck you in?”
“No,”she says, disgusted that I would assume her teenage self would need her mom to put her to bed. “I just wanted to say good night. Don’t make me regret it.”
I roll my eyes. “Good night, sweetheart. Good night, Michael. Love you guys.”
“Night, Mama,” he calls back. “Love you.”
I pause, giving our voices a moment to fade away. It also gives me an opportunity to peek down the hallway toward the bedroom I share with Jack. The light is still on.
I’m not ready. I need to kill more time.
A heaviness settles in my chest, grounding me firmly in the cabin. It’s anticipatory.I know what’s coming.
We managed to share the same space this evening without having to truly interact. There were questions here and answers there—a smile or a laugh at a joke at Harvey’s expense over burgers.And it was fine.
I hatefine.
So many times I’ve stood on the precipice of falling into old roles, of giving my husband a real smile when he saved Maddie from a mouse in the pantry and bursting with pride when he taught Michael how to grill a burger. Tonight was a reminder of the life we could have had. It was the life I dreamed of, the one I wanted so badly for so long.
The one I want now, even if it’s already fallen through my fingers.
I clear my throat, shoving down a rise of emotions. I’m tired and nervous ... and hungry.I really wanted that last half of a burger that Michael grabbed just before I did.
Instead of going to bed, I peruse the list I started earlier. A straight line follows the length of the page and lists all the things we need if we’re going to make it here for fourteen days without dying of starvation.
Somehow, my heart thumps despite the tightness surrounding it. Each beat is harder than the one before it. Every pump of blood through my veins inches me closer to—
“Lo?”
I wheel around to find Jack standing in the mouth of the hallway. Hair damp from the shower and clad in only a pair of black boxer briefs, his puppy in his arms, he watches me expectantly.
“What?” I ask, taking in the way Snaps glares at me. I glare back at him.I’m not backing down, you little husband thief.
Jack moves confidently into the kitchen, his body putting on a show.
Seeing him in his skivvies should be routine. I’ve seen him that way a thousand times over the years—naked a thousand times more. So why is he suddenly catching my attention?
Because I haven’t seen him like this in months? Maybe it’s just that I haven’t had any action in what feels like forever ...
“Just wondering what you’re doing out here,” he says. Our shoulders nearly touch when he breezes by me as if we pass in the kitchen half-clothed all the time. “The kids went to bed an hour ago.”
