Page 101 of Flame
He sets the paddle across the kayak. “Then don’t be her.”
I laugh at the simplicity of his answer. “Okay. Sure. Thanks for the tip.”
“All right. Then who do you want to be? How is she different from who you are?”
“You see, that’s the thing. I think I am her already. I’m just trapped in this world I thought I wanted.”
“You’re never trapped, sweetheart.”
I smile. “What if … what if I wanted to walk away from Brewer Group? What if the thought of going back there made me ill? And how could I do that to my family—especially when they need me the most?”
“Let’s say you don’t. How do you justify sacrificing your life? If you're lucky, God gave you one life—a solid eighty, ninety years. How do you take that gift and just throw it away because you think other people expect you to?”
Oof.
“Your life isn’t less valuable than anyone else’s, Bianca.”
My chest stretches, filling with an unexpected warmth.Is it that easy? Should I just value myself and ignore the needs of others?
Should I feel guilty if I walk away from Brewer Group?Because that’s what I think I want.
That’s what I know I want.
“Look at it like this. If you’re not her,who are you?” He asks the question as if he already knows the answer. It’s curious and hesitant but also hopeful.
I drag my fingertips along the surface of the river.Who am I when I’m in Nashville? Who am I with Foxx Carmichael?
With you, I’m calm. At peace. I’m satisfied and happy.
I’m … free.
“I’m not sure who I am,” I say carefully. “But I really like the woman I’ve been the last couple of days.”
He shifts again, rocking the kayak. This time, I don’t mention it.
“I’ve laughed more in the past few days than I have in the past year,” I say softly. “I’m in a kayak. I took a spur-of-the-moment trip. I’ve gotten to know people as humans and not as a contract number or email address.I got married. It’s been wild.”
He chuckles, rubbing his thumb along the back of my neck.
“And do you know the craziest part?” I ask. “It’s that I’m here because someone was trying to hurt me. I’m arguably in the most danger than I’ve ever been throughout my life. Yet …”
I turn around as much as possible without tossing us into the water.
He lowers his sunglasses, giving me the privilege of seeing into his eyes. They’re sparkling and beautiful and so clear. If he wants me to see that he’s not hiding anything, it’s working.
“Yet,” I continue, holding his gaze, “I’ve never felt safer.”
He leans forward and carefully, not to freak me out, presses a gentle kiss against my lips.
It’s the sweetest kiss he’s given me yet. It’s also the most powerful. As he pulls away, a realization uncoils deep inside me. It stretches through each part of me and confirms what I was afraid I already knew.
I love him.
How could I not?
I want to tell him those three little words and watch his reaction. I want to tell him the many remarkable qualities about himself that amaze me. I want to explain how it makes me feel when he holds me in his arms or calls me his wife like a trophy.
No one has ever come close to making me feel like Foxx Carmichael does.
